Clarity

Sometimes I wonder if I am crazy to enjoy writing as much as I do. When I'm revising, I have to remind myself of how much fun I had writing the first draft. But even when I think about writing something new, sometimes I dread it. I can't recall the reasons I love it.

Then I start writing and I remember. There are a thousand reasons I love it. Tonight, the top one is that it clears my head.

It sounds strange, I know. But going to live in a world that I've created and thinking someone else's thoughts makes my own thoughts less tangled. And let me tell you, my thoughts tangled makes me a basket case of nerves, crankiness, and general moodiness. I can think about why they've gotten tangled but that only makes it worse.

But when I write, all of that fades. I feel like myself. I feel like I know my own mind again. And there is nothing better than that after a day that went from bright and clear to murky and tangled in the space of half an hour. (Don't ask me why, because I haven't got the slightest idea). The important thing is that I am here now. And I am writing.

Ambition

Ambition is a strange thing. I always value ambition in other people. By that I mean, I like people who clearly want something and work to get it. A lack of ambition is terribly unattractive. 

But when it comes to my own ambition, I admit, I'm a little shy. I mean, some of my ambitions are fairly common and I have no problem talking about them: own a house with an office I can cover in bookshelves, always have a dog (I can't decide if I want a husky or a German shepherd first), drink coffee, etc. All of those are achievable.

My big ambition is to publish a book. Sometimes, it even occurs to me to dream about that book doing well. The biggest pipe dream is that so many people will buy the book I don't have to have a job to support my writing habit.

I don't like to think about that because it seems so arrogant. Who am I to think I can write a book anyone besides me would want to read? That's the thing about the stories I write- I write them because I would want to read them. 

A few days ago, I was revising Black and Gold, listening to Disney music because that's the playlist I listened to when I wrote it over the summer. I reached the end of a section and just sort of stopped. And then I though Why not this book? 

God knows it's nowhere near ready to be read by anyone other than me and maybe my mom (because my mom is awesome). But it could be ready. I could make it good enough. That is an incredibly arrogant thought, because I am haunted by all of the bad writing that I have done. The amount of bad versus good words is still heavily skewed toward bad, trust me. But I couldn't shake that thought.

Ambition is a strange thing. It makes me want to hand my book to a stranger in the hopes that they'll fall in love with it, even though I know they're more likely to throw it back at me.

But maybe, just maybe, one of those strangers won't. 

Revision and Christmas

Congratulations to those of you in college who, like me, made it through the semester! I'm pretty excited to be done. Honestly, until yesterday finishing the semester was more exciting than the fact that Christmas is in two days. 

Now I have time to read for fun again. I just sat in one of the big leather chairs in my parents' living room yesterday and finished a book I did not have to write an essay on or relate to another book. It was glorious. 

In other exciting news (well, exciting to me), I have come up with a title for The Stupid Book: Black and Gold. Voila! Today, after I finish writing this, I am going to drink my tea and work on some back story for a couple of the characters. Then, probably tomorrow, I will begin revising in earnest before school starts again and homework eats away my time. In my perfect world I'd be finished with one complete revision before January 11 (when I head back to school) but more realistically, it'll be more like a 75% revision. Still, revision is going to happen.

But I have a title and I have time and I miss my main characters. It will be fun.

I hope you all enjoy spending time with your family and friends. To my fellow students, I hope you enjoy sleeping in and being lazy as much as I do. Eat good food. Laugh. And have a very merry Christmas.

Elizabeth

Updates

Hey there, those of you who are reading this. It's been a little while since I posted anything. School, NaNo, the usual distractions. 

I am only three days behind on NaNo due to more school related writing I had to do. So not that bad. It'll be easy to double up over Thanksgiving break. 

Today I wanted to write about something specific and not related to NaNo at all, though. I don't know about the rest of you but sometimes, I get something in my head and I can't let it go. Not just like I think about it and obsess about it but like I can't let it go on in my head so I have to say it out loud, either to someone or by writing it down.

I'm of the belief that this is a particularly writer-ly trait but correct me if I'm wrong. Because it feels like when I have a scene in my head that I simply have to get out because it is driving me mad. Only this is different because it's about my life and I can't just let it sit.

The problem with it being real life is that I have no control over how the other characters react. I don't know what they're thinking. I just know what I'm thinking and what I think they're thinking (that was a lot of thinking for one sentence). And I don't want to say it and have anyone look at me like I've lost my marbles. 

So do I write it down? Maybe. But it's much harder to admit uncertainty/doubt/worry/guilt when it's mine than when it's a character. But do I say it?

I haven't come up with an answer, so I guess I'll do more of that thinking thing. I've heard it works. Usually.

Four Days Left

NaNo WriMo is almost here and my big goal for today is to figure out how my story should end so I can finish up my outline for it. It's called Out of the Ashes. I wrote the first two of this trilogy the past two Novembers. This is the last one and it's going to be the best. How do I know that without having written a single word of it?

Easy. I am a better writer now than I was last year. I wrote The Stupid Book, which taught me a lot. Every story does, of course, but I learned a lot this summer. Besides, Ashes is the finale. The dramatic ending to the story of two sisters. *does excited squealing happy dance. It involves a lot of hand flailing.*

My friends, I am sorry in advance. The unique madness that comes from writing in a mad dash amid school and not being a hermit can be frightening. Especially towards the end of NaNo, when I inevitably fall behind and end up writing in a mad dash to finish before November 30. I temporarily lose the ability to think things all the way through before I say them. While it can be funny, it can also be mean. So I am sorry.

But it is a wonderful feeling, to be consumed by a story. I am never happier than when I am writing and it is going well.

Still, living with a writer who is in the midst of writing can be a challenge. Give us our space, lend a half-attentive ear when we need to vent and when we try to avoid the writing, tell us to stop being stupid and go write. Seriously.

Because the only thing harder than NaNo is not getting to 50,000 words. Trust me.

Dragonslayer

Let's talk about dragons. Yes, the great beasts that show up to wreak havoc on unsuspecting villages and kidnap damsels and end up getting slayed by the knight in shining armor.

I myself have a childish love of dragons. The basis for starting The Stupid Book was I wanted to write a story without cliched dragons in it. Whether or not I succeeded in that is for my hopeful future readers to decide. But my dragons are cool.

Actually, today I am more interested in the metaphoric dragons. The dragon that needs to be slayed by the knight or the peasant farmer, depending on your view of yourself.

See, we all have dragons. A project at work, a really frickin' busy day, an essay on the Puritans (yes it is as bad as it sounds), some class called Differential Equations, or midterms. (Can you tell school's been dominating my brain recently?) You get the idea. Metaphoric dragons are the things that are difficult and require time and energy to get through. Usually, it isn't fun.

National Novel Writing Month is starting in fifteen days. Writing 50,000 words in 30 days used to scare me. Then I wrote The Stupid Book over the summer and thought I was better than that. But November is different. November has school. And essays. And studying. And a set amount of time I am required to do things other than write. So I am beginning to realize that 50,000 words in 30 days is still a lot. Enough to be considered a dragon.

But I love dragons. I have not written a story that makes dragons the villains. So I am looking at NaNo in that respect. I don't have to slay the dragon.

I have to tame it.

This is the NaNo website, if you're interested: www.nanowrimo.org

And here are dragon pictures

.

http://dragonkatet.wordpress.com/
http://amxgraphics.com/Dragons/Black.html

Just a Poem

I thought I might share something that I've written, instead of just writing about writing. So, below is a poem I wrote last night and revised today. It's still not finished but now at least I don't feel like I'm leading you on.

Anyway.

"Here"

Let's sit here, then,
under the blotted sun
clouds gathering behind
the old battleground

Let's sit here, then,
as the air rises and falls
ruffling your hair,
tangling mine

Let's sit here, then,
where the northern road
crosses the southern river
and a leaf dances in the rain

Let's sit here, then,
and let the rain and
the clouds and the wind
stay in between.