This is a sensitive topic but I am going to try to limit my opinions to explanations as to why I made certain choices in my story. That being said, I am entitled to my opinion just like you are entitled to yours. If you want to have a discussion about the differences, fine. If you broach the topic in any way that is not respectful, that discussion will never happen.
I want to talk about gender in stories.
Both my main characters are young women. They came into existence in my head being young women but that doesn't mean I did not choose to keep them that way. I did. I wanted them to be women. I wanted them to be smart and capable and determined but I also wanted them to be a little naive, a little uncertain and more than a little flawed. I wanted them to have meaningful relationships with their friends, their family, and their love interests.
I wanted them to be characters that 14 and 15 year old girls could read and think, I want to be like them. Not because they were pretty or because they had the perfect relationship with some over-idealized person. Because they were smart but they worked hard at learning new things, they learned from their mistakes and learned about who they are.
That was the story I searched for when I was that age. I wanted a story that yes, had romance in it, but the lead character had interests outside of it and the overarching plot dealt with much more complicated issues. I wanted characters who were smart but were shown to work at learning. I wanted them to be imperfect.
Now that I'm in my twenties, I also wanted at least one of them to be confident in who she is most of the time but to also show her uncertainty because I think that is so incredibly important to let teenage girls know and also because it is authentic. Confidence in women is something to admired and applauded, not mocked or put down--even by other women.
I also wanted the female characters to get along and lift each other up because every day I see women tear each other down, as if one woman's confidence or success somehow diminished another woman. We do it with each other's make up choices, fashion choices, lifestyle choices, parenting choices, career choices, education choices, hobby choices, and the list goes on.
I might be just an unpublished writer but one day, I will have a book published and do not ever doubt the power stories have. When that happens, I want that 15 year old girl who's worried about everything, just like I was, to read my book and think,
I want to be like her.
Tuesday, July 19, 2016
Tuesday, July 12, 2016
What You Know
Today I was reading Marissa Meyer's blog (she wrote The Lunar Chronicles which are fabulous YA sci-fi novels if you didn't know) and I came across a post where she explained why she disagrees with certain pieces of writer advice that writing instructors hold dear. Specifically, she mentioned what is perhaps the most dangerous piece of advice that I have heard many, many times:
"Write what you know."
I say dangerous not because it will ruin your writing but because the implication is that you are only qualified to write stories about what you know from personal experience.
Which, in my humble unpublished opinion (and it's worth pointing out most of my writing instructors are not best-selling authors like Marissa Meyer, though I do love most of their other advice), complete bullshit.
I don't know what it's like to be an orphan (like Elian) because I have both my parents. I don't know what it's like to have a difficult relationship with my mother (like Elana) because my mom and I get along wonderfully well. I definitely don't know what it's like to be a ruler or even to be obeyed without question in anything. And I have no fucking clue what it's like to be able to fly.
So clearly my novels are just no good because I didn't write what I know.
Like I said, bullshit.
I can imagine. Imagine is something we are discouraged to do after we reach a certain age, especially in school. We stop playing make believe. We deal with facts, things that can be broken down into testable questions with one right answer and we forget.
Only that doesn't work. All of you are capable of losing yourself in something that doesn't exist, be it a movie, a video game, or a book. You don't have all the details but you can imagine it and it is as easy as breathing.
I can imagine. I can imagine whole worlds and people and places and times that never were and never will be. I don't know it all from personal experience. I write it to explore the question What if...? and I don't stop until I've found my way to the end of the answer.
Besides, if I only wrote what I knew from my personal experience, I would only write stories about nerdy girls who spent more time reading than watching TV when they were kids and how they spent almost every Friday night writing in high school.
Bullshit. I can write so much more than that.
I understand many of you have no interest in becoming writers, so feel free to stop here.
Fellow writers, you don't have to listen to everything the All-Mighty Instructors say. Sometimes what they say works and sometimes it doesn't. You learn to tell the difference by trying and failing and trying and failing some more.
Write with unbridled love. Write with compassion and determination. Write because you have a story to tell. Write the story you know, in your heart, because your heart will keep going when your mind gives up.
"Write what you know."
I say dangerous not because it will ruin your writing but because the implication is that you are only qualified to write stories about what you know from personal experience.
Which, in my humble unpublished opinion (and it's worth pointing out most of my writing instructors are not best-selling authors like Marissa Meyer, though I do love most of their other advice), complete bullshit.
I don't know what it's like to be an orphan (like Elian) because I have both my parents. I don't know what it's like to have a difficult relationship with my mother (like Elana) because my mom and I get along wonderfully well. I definitely don't know what it's like to be a ruler or even to be obeyed without question in anything. And I have no fucking clue what it's like to be able to fly.
So clearly my novels are just no good because I didn't write what I know.
Like I said, bullshit.
I can imagine. Imagine is something we are discouraged to do after we reach a certain age, especially in school. We stop playing make believe. We deal with facts, things that can be broken down into testable questions with one right answer and we forget.
Only that doesn't work. All of you are capable of losing yourself in something that doesn't exist, be it a movie, a video game, or a book. You don't have all the details but you can imagine it and it is as easy as breathing.
I can imagine. I can imagine whole worlds and people and places and times that never were and never will be. I don't know it all from personal experience. I write it to explore the question What if...? and I don't stop until I've found my way to the end of the answer.
Besides, if I only wrote what I knew from my personal experience, I would only write stories about nerdy girls who spent more time reading than watching TV when they were kids and how they spent almost every Friday night writing in high school.
Bullshit. I can write so much more than that.
I understand many of you have no interest in becoming writers, so feel free to stop here.
Fellow writers, you don't have to listen to everything the All-Mighty Instructors say. Sometimes what they say works and sometimes it doesn't. You learn to tell the difference by trying and failing and trying and failing some more.
Write with unbridled love. Write with compassion and determination. Write because you have a story to tell. Write the story you know, in your heart, because your heart will keep going when your mind gives up.
Friday, July 8, 2016
The End
Endings are the hardest.
First of all, getting to the ending can prove damn difficult. Most writers have no problems writing a beginning, some even manage a middle, but only the really determined writers get to the end.
Obviously, I got to the end.
There are, of course, different kinds of endings. There's the ending to the first book in a trilogy, which has some resolution but leaves the story open. There's the ending to the second book, which more often than not suffers from being the connective story and thus lacks resolution and often has a cliffhanger.
Then there's the real ending. The last scene, the last line, the last page.
That's the ending I got to last night.
I thought I would cry but I didn't. I no longer have the dream of writing these characters, the dream of getting to the end. I've known from the very beginning how I would end it. The details were murky, but the general idea has never changed. So I have dreamed about it for three summers and now it is over.
But I feel strangely calm. Maybe it's just shock and tomorrow I'll wake up utterly heartbroken but I think it's more than that. I think I did justice to my characters and my story. I think because of that, my writer's heart is at peace.
Part of it too is that I know this isn't the real end, not for me as the writer. I still have revision to look forward to. First I will take a few weeks or a month off, to let the story settle and to get some distance.
I will also resume querying for the first book because I have slacked hard on that front and there is no longer an excuse. I have a whole other post in mind about my thoughts on the value of querying, but that is for another day.
First of all, getting to the ending can prove damn difficult. Most writers have no problems writing a beginning, some even manage a middle, but only the really determined writers get to the end.
Obviously, I got to the end.
There are, of course, different kinds of endings. There's the ending to the first book in a trilogy, which has some resolution but leaves the story open. There's the ending to the second book, which more often than not suffers from being the connective story and thus lacks resolution and often has a cliffhanger.
Then there's the real ending. The last scene, the last line, the last page.
That's the ending I got to last night.
I thought I would cry but I didn't. I no longer have the dream of writing these characters, the dream of getting to the end. I've known from the very beginning how I would end it. The details were murky, but the general idea has never changed. So I have dreamed about it for three summers and now it is over.
But I feel strangely calm. Maybe it's just shock and tomorrow I'll wake up utterly heartbroken but I think it's more than that. I think I did justice to my characters and my story. I think because of that, my writer's heart is at peace.
Part of it too is that I know this isn't the real end, not for me as the writer. I still have revision to look forward to. First I will take a few weeks or a month off, to let the story settle and to get some distance.
I will also resume querying for the first book because I have slacked hard on that front and there is no longer an excuse. I have a whole other post in mind about my thoughts on the value of querying, but that is for another day.
Tuesday, July 5, 2016
How Do I Begin
For those of you who weren't around way back when I first wrote Black & Gold, I thought I would share with you how I came up with the idea.
I feel like that's a question people want to ask me. Where do you get your ideas? How did you pick such a good one?
Well, first, I picked a lot of really bad ideas. Like, a lot. I don't think saying I picked a thousand bad ideas is hyperbole. As in, an actual 1,000. I'm not kidding. And 98% of those ideas were absolute shit.
I know. I still have them on my computer. On days when I really need to feel good about myself, I open up something I wrote in 7th/8th/9th grade and revel at how far I've come.
But yeah, I had a lot of bad ideas. I could say I knew from the beginning that this story was going to turn into this massive saga. But I'd be lying through my teeth.
The simple answer is that every summer while I was in high school, I wrote a book in a series (that shall never see the light of day) that ended the summer before my freshman year of college. So I wanted a new story to write the summer after freshman year. This was right after I started watching Game of Thrones and I thought to myself, Why don't I write a non-cliched story with dragons in it? Then I wrote to explore the characters I came up with and three months later, I had a book.
The truth is that it's a little more complicated than that. Because I realized a few months later that this wasn't the first time I'd told Elian's story. When I was in seventh grade, I wrote a 40,000 word story about a girl who could turn into a *black* dragon. And my favorite movie when I was very young was Sleeping Beauty which features a witch who can turn into a--wait for it--black dragon.
So the seeds of the story were sown long before I watched Game of Thrones.
What about Elana then? She's the medieval love story I've tried to write for years and with her, I think I got it right. If I had to guess, I'd say I've tried to write her story four times.
Complicated? Yes. But it makes sense. I kept writing these different characters or bits of this story until it finally came together in a way that made sense, in a way that works as a whole instead of just pieces.
I don't know what my next idea will be after this. I have a few floating around but it's too early for me to give them serious thought. I'm still in this world, with these characters, and I'm not ready to leave yet.
I feel like that's a question people want to ask me. Where do you get your ideas? How did you pick such a good one?
Well, first, I picked a lot of really bad ideas. Like, a lot. I don't think saying I picked a thousand bad ideas is hyperbole. As in, an actual 1,000. I'm not kidding. And 98% of those ideas were absolute shit.
I know. I still have them on my computer. On days when I really need to feel good about myself, I open up something I wrote in 7th/8th/9th grade and revel at how far I've come.
But yeah, I had a lot of bad ideas. I could say I knew from the beginning that this story was going to turn into this massive saga. But I'd be lying through my teeth.
The simple answer is that every summer while I was in high school, I wrote a book in a series (that shall never see the light of day) that ended the summer before my freshman year of college. So I wanted a new story to write the summer after freshman year. This was right after I started watching Game of Thrones and I thought to myself, Why don't I write a non-cliched story with dragons in it? Then I wrote to explore the characters I came up with and three months later, I had a book.
The truth is that it's a little more complicated than that. Because I realized a few months later that this wasn't the first time I'd told Elian's story. When I was in seventh grade, I wrote a 40,000 word story about a girl who could turn into a *black* dragon. And my favorite movie when I was very young was Sleeping Beauty which features a witch who can turn into a--wait for it--black dragon.
So the seeds of the story were sown long before I watched Game of Thrones.
What about Elana then? She's the medieval love story I've tried to write for years and with her, I think I got it right. If I had to guess, I'd say I've tried to write her story four times.
Complicated? Yes. But it makes sense. I kept writing these different characters or bits of this story until it finally came together in a way that made sense, in a way that works as a whole instead of just pieces.
I don't know what my next idea will be after this. I have a few floating around but it's too early for me to give them serious thought. I'm still in this world, with these characters, and I'm not ready to leave yet.
Monday, June 27, 2016
Halfway There (Probably)
I am officially halfway done with book #3!
Well, I am probably halfway done. I have 56,000 words and the longest thing I've ever written was Black & Gold. The first draft of that was 84,000, the current draft sits at 102,000. So yeah, I better be halfway done with this one.
It's an interesting feeling. On one hand, I'm absolutely ecstatic because I've had so much fun writing it and I've been writing it since the middle of May, so I have actually been writing it for quite a while.
To be fair, I think anything past 30 days is a long time to be writing the same thing. Thanks for that, NaNo.
So yeah, I'm really excited about it. Until I think about how much I still have left in the story. Then my metaphoric self starts hyperventilating. Because how the hell can I finish this book when I have so much going on the rest of the summer? And then oh god, what if I don't finish it before school starts again? What if what if what if?
Then the truly cruel reality hits: I am halfway done with the last book in this trilogy. I will be writing the ending I've dreamed about for two years in a matter of weeks. I will be writing the end (and yes, there are quite a few character deaths in this book, so that will be heart-wrenching) and then it will be over.
Except not really, because revision, but it will be done. There's only one first time for writing this book, for writing with sheer unadulterated joy.
All that being said, the writing itself doesn't seem terrible. This time last year, when I was writing Throne & Fire, I knew it was mostly bad and it was going to require a lot of work. I knew I was going to be adding a ton of scenes.
This go round, I have the opposite problem. I think I might be cutting some stuff. I will still need to add certain things in. These will be the subtle character things that carry throughout the book and are a pain the frickin ass so I ignore them during the first draft. Why? Snotty writer answer: Because you have to get the bones of the plot down first and then you can deal with the more nuanced character moments.
Real answer: Because sometimes that shit just isn't fun.
Then of course there's the challenge I've never faced before, which is not pulling a Shakespeare. Characters are going to die and most of them are going to die at the end, simply because of the structure of the story. I have to figure out how to make the important deaths memorable and meaningful. I have to figure out exactly how many bodies I can throw on the pyre before I cross over into Hamlet/King Lear/Romeo and Juliet territory.
Oh, and I have to figure out what the actual, words-on-the-very-last-page should be.
But hey, I get to write some scenes where my characters have come to the end of their character arcs, which means they have evolved and changed and questioned themselves and now they get to be badass. Without giving too much away, I also get to write some very cool dialogue and fight scenes.
But please don't ask about the title.
Well, I am probably halfway done. I have 56,000 words and the longest thing I've ever written was Black & Gold. The first draft of that was 84,000, the current draft sits at 102,000. So yeah, I better be halfway done with this one.
It's an interesting feeling. On one hand, I'm absolutely ecstatic because I've had so much fun writing it and I've been writing it since the middle of May, so I have actually been writing it for quite a while.
To be fair, I think anything past 30 days is a long time to be writing the same thing. Thanks for that, NaNo.
So yeah, I'm really excited about it. Until I think about how much I still have left in the story. Then my metaphoric self starts hyperventilating. Because how the hell can I finish this book when I have so much going on the rest of the summer? And then oh god, what if I don't finish it before school starts again? What if what if what if?
Then the truly cruel reality hits: I am halfway done with the last book in this trilogy. I will be writing the ending I've dreamed about for two years in a matter of weeks. I will be writing the end (and yes, there are quite a few character deaths in this book, so that will be heart-wrenching) and then it will be over.
Except not really, because revision, but it will be done. There's only one first time for writing this book, for writing with sheer unadulterated joy.
All that being said, the writing itself doesn't seem terrible. This time last year, when I was writing Throne & Fire, I knew it was mostly bad and it was going to require a lot of work. I knew I was going to be adding a ton of scenes.
This go round, I have the opposite problem. I think I might be cutting some stuff. I will still need to add certain things in. These will be the subtle character things that carry throughout the book and are a pain the frickin ass so I ignore them during the first draft. Why? Snotty writer answer: Because you have to get the bones of the plot down first and then you can deal with the more nuanced character moments.
Real answer: Because sometimes that shit just isn't fun.
Then of course there's the challenge I've never faced before, which is not pulling a Shakespeare. Characters are going to die and most of them are going to die at the end, simply because of the structure of the story. I have to figure out how to make the important deaths memorable and meaningful. I have to figure out exactly how many bodies I can throw on the pyre before I cross over into Hamlet/King Lear/Romeo and Juliet territory.
Oh, and I have to figure out what the actual, words-on-the-very-last-page should be.
But hey, I get to write some scenes where my characters have come to the end of their character arcs, which means they have evolved and changed and questioned themselves and now they get to be badass. Without giving too much away, I also get to write some very cool dialogue and fight scenes.
But please don't ask about the title.
Tuesday, June 14, 2016
It Isn't Easy
Writing isn't easy.
Which, I'm sure, is not a shocking statement to anyone reading this. You have all sat at a computer at some point in your life, forcing words out of your poor fingers like you're trying to remove a dozen splinters. If you've spent a significant portion of time around me, you've heard me bitch about how writing is hard.
The strange thing is that some of you (or maybe none of you and just people who don't read this) have scoffed at my choice of major because 'English is easy' and then you turn right around and give me horrified looks when I tell you I have to write an 8 page paper and read an entire Shakespeare play. Seriously, the cognitive dissonance between "Oh, people write for fun so it must be easy" and "Oh my God you have to write 5,000 words that's awful and I am going to pick a career where I never have to do that" is astonishing to me.
I think I should acknowledge that there are two different kinds of writing implied in the above exchange. One is writing essays or reports for a purpose with a deadline. No one likes doing that. Well, I did really enjoy my final essay for Shakespeare. I wrote about the power of gender, masculine vs. feminine in Macbeth and it was a lot of fun. But usually, no, I don't particularly enjoy writing about theme and character development in old-ass shit no one except English majors read. I still enjoy it way more than doing math or chemistry-kudos to all you people who do any of those things.
The other kind of writing is the "fun" kind. I say "fun" because it's a choice and yes, sometimes it is fun. A lot of fun. That's the time when people are right to think it's just fun.
The big secret that no one tells you, even when you're an aspiring or beginning writer, is that the "fun" part of writing is only like 10% of the time. 13% if you're very lucky. The rest is just work. And if you aren't a writer and you doubt that for one second, imagine writing 2,000 words in one sitting. Imagine writing 7,000 words in a single day. Imagine writing 50,000 words in 30 days. Could you do it?
Not to be an ass, but the answer for the majority of you is no. Do I write 2,000 in one sitting every day? Of course not. Some days I only write 500 words and every single one is a struggle. Those are the days that aren't easy. Yes, it's a choice to keep writing and no, I'm not complaining. I love writing and I love stories. But I want it to be clear that even though I have been doing this for over half my life now, it is not easy for me. I've had a lot of practice and I am stubborn and persistent, so I don't give up. But it isn't always easy.
The most glamorous part of writing is the finished product. The story I give you to read, all nice and revised, or the nice new book you buy at Barnes & Noble or off Amazon. And unlike most other things, I can't take a picture that will show you exactly how hard it can be.
So I guess you'll just have to take my word for it.
Which, I'm sure, is not a shocking statement to anyone reading this. You have all sat at a computer at some point in your life, forcing words out of your poor fingers like you're trying to remove a dozen splinters. If you've spent a significant portion of time around me, you've heard me bitch about how writing is hard.
The strange thing is that some of you (or maybe none of you and just people who don't read this) have scoffed at my choice of major because 'English is easy' and then you turn right around and give me horrified looks when I tell you I have to write an 8 page paper and read an entire Shakespeare play. Seriously, the cognitive dissonance between "Oh, people write for fun so it must be easy" and "Oh my God you have to write 5,000 words that's awful and I am going to pick a career where I never have to do that" is astonishing to me.
I think I should acknowledge that there are two different kinds of writing implied in the above exchange. One is writing essays or reports for a purpose with a deadline. No one likes doing that. Well, I did really enjoy my final essay for Shakespeare. I wrote about the power of gender, masculine vs. feminine in Macbeth and it was a lot of fun. But usually, no, I don't particularly enjoy writing about theme and character development in old-ass shit no one except English majors read. I still enjoy it way more than doing math or chemistry-kudos to all you people who do any of those things.
The other kind of writing is the "fun" kind. I say "fun" because it's a choice and yes, sometimes it is fun. A lot of fun. That's the time when people are right to think it's just fun.
The big secret that no one tells you, even when you're an aspiring or beginning writer, is that the "fun" part of writing is only like 10% of the time. 13% if you're very lucky. The rest is just work. And if you aren't a writer and you doubt that for one second, imagine writing 2,000 words in one sitting. Imagine writing 7,000 words in a single day. Imagine writing 50,000 words in 30 days. Could you do it?
Not to be an ass, but the answer for the majority of you is no. Do I write 2,000 in one sitting every day? Of course not. Some days I only write 500 words and every single one is a struggle. Those are the days that aren't easy. Yes, it's a choice to keep writing and no, I'm not complaining. I love writing and I love stories. But I want it to be clear that even though I have been doing this for over half my life now, it is not easy for me. I've had a lot of practice and I am stubborn and persistent, so I don't give up. But it isn't always easy.
The most glamorous part of writing is the finished product. The story I give you to read, all nice and revised, or the nice new book you buy at Barnes & Noble or off Amazon. And unlike most other things, I can't take a picture that will show you exactly how hard it can be.
So I guess you'll just have to take my word for it.
Thursday, June 9, 2016
Rambles/Attempts at Humor
Well hello there. It's been a hot minute since I blogged so I thought I'd give you some highlights.
1. Finished junior year of college.
2. Moved home.
3. Decided I needed to take the LSAT in September instead of this past Monday and my stress levels decreased enormously.
4. My computer keyboard broke. You read that right: B-R-O-K-E. As in, I had to send it in to get repaired.
5. I switched to writing on my old laptop (which, by the way, is only five years old at this point) and holy mother of dragons do I appreciate my shiny new laptop because that old one was SLOW and LOUD and would not play Netflix.
6. Currently working for my dad and, finally, the most important and fun thing,
7. I am writing the third book!!!!!
(I frown on the use of exclamation points unless in dialogue but I am very excited, so bite me. (Not really, please don't bite me.))
I have roughly 26,000 words (62 pages with the font and spacing I use). If you're wondering, the first draft of Black & Gold came in at 84,000 and the first draft of Throne & Fire came in at I think 58,000. So, it's going very well.
*insert Cheshire cat grin here* *insert excited dog dancing here* *I should learn how to do GIFs.* *or is that just a Tumblr thing*
Anyway, that's where my life stands this fine Thursdays night. Tomorrow is Friday, I wrote an amazing scene tonight, I am getting paid tomorrow, I got to have wine with a friend, and did I mention that I wrote an amazing scene tonight?
Just you wait.
1. Finished junior year of college.
2. Moved home.
3. Decided I needed to take the LSAT in September instead of this past Monday and my stress levels decreased enormously.
4. My computer keyboard broke. You read that right: B-R-O-K-E. As in, I had to send it in to get repaired.
5. I switched to writing on my old laptop (which, by the way, is only five years old at this point) and holy mother of dragons do I appreciate my shiny new laptop because that old one was SLOW and LOUD and would not play Netflix.
6. Currently working for my dad and, finally, the most important and fun thing,
7. I am writing the third book!!!!!
(I frown on the use of exclamation points unless in dialogue but I am very excited, so bite me. (Not really, please don't bite me.))
I have roughly 26,000 words (62 pages with the font and spacing I use). If you're wondering, the first draft of Black & Gold came in at 84,000 and the first draft of Throne & Fire came in at I think 58,000. So, it's going very well.
*insert Cheshire cat grin here* *insert excited dog dancing here* *I should learn how to do GIFs.* *or is that just a Tumblr thing*
Anyway, that's where my life stands this fine Thursdays night. Tomorrow is Friday, I wrote an amazing scene tonight, I am getting paid tomorrow, I got to have wine with a friend, and did I mention that I wrote an amazing scene tonight?
Just you wait.
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