Motivation Monday

Being a writer can be a strange thing, for many good reasons. But I think the strangest thing for me is how strong it has made me. Not physically strong but mentally and emotionally strong. 

If you read that and weren't surprised, then you should probably stop reading now, because I'm going to explain how counter intuitive that idea can be.

Writing when you start is this incredibly joyful, freeing experience. I remember writing when I was ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, even fourteen. I wrote anything I wanted and I was absolutely fearless. Now, granted, there's probably a total of one paragraph from all those years worth reading. But I didn't know it was bad and because I didn't know, I kept going. I wrote what made me happy. What else would I write? No one else was going to read my story about giant eagles who could carry people on their backs. (Not going to tell you how old I was when I came up with that one.)

But then I got older. Other people read my writing, my poems and a short story. Some of them gave me glowing reviews. Some said it was good but it wasn't as good as this other person's so they were going to get the big award. 

Big deal, right?

In and of itself, no. But when I was about thirteen, one person in particular tried to make me believe my writing was worthless. That I was never going to be a writer. I used boring words and didn't know how to use adjectives. That I, as a writer and a person, was boring.

This person was my friend but after this, they weren't. Did it stop me from writing? (That is a rhetorical question, because obviously not.) All it did was make me want to be better, to prove to this person who thought I could never be as good as they were, or good enough for anyone to want to read my stories, that they were wrong. 

I want to be clear. I did not keep writing solely to prove this person wrong. I write because I love it and I always have and I know I always will. But my love for writing and my willingness to make it better are two different beasts. 

My love for writing gives me a sense of peace and happiness. I think we can all agree how important that is in life with stress oozing out of every possible avenue. My dedication to make it better, that is work. It is physically painful at times and other times my mind tells me to give up, because I will never get it right. But I don't, because my heart loves it and my heart is ten thousand suns' stronger than my mind.

Then there is the strength it takes to love something on the days when I can't get it right, when the words just won't come or come out wrong. It's a lot like the strength it takes to believe in yourself, or love yourself, because it isn't always easy. In fact, the times when it is easy are so few and far between they may as well be stars that happen to be in neighboring galaxies. 

People will always tell you that you'll fail, that you aren't good enough. Let that fuel your fire but don't let that be your fire. Your fire is made of your heart, your mind, your soul, your drive, and you. Everything else is just tinder.

Jump

The purpose of college, in part at least, seems to be to beat the desire to read or write from fun out of us. It saps all our mental energy and suddenly we discover how much energy it takes to read or write.

I'm as much a victim for reading but not for writing. Let's say this: I have acquired and immunity to it. I write during the semester regardless of what my classes try to do about it. Not because I am blessed with special powers but because I never stopped writing. I think once college consumed us, lots of people stopped writing for fun because it was suddenly so much work. Whatever skill you had, suddenly your internal editor got turned on and that snooty McFarland-esque voice made you feel terrible for even attempting to write something.

Your internal editor is a mean-spirited bitch. Don't listen to her/him.

No, it's not easy. If you sit down to write with the intention of ignoring, you won't be able to do it right away. Every sentence will be excruciating. Every sentence will make you question why you're even bothering to waste the ink. 

Keep going. The mean-spirited bitch wants you to give up. So keep going.

You don't have to write something beautiful. You don't have to write something tragic. You don't have to write something worth sharing. You don't even have to finish it. You just have to start. 

You have to climb to the top of that cliff, which can be a feat in and of itself, because that cliff is made of all your self-doubt, your intimate knowledge of how much your writing sucks, and of your fear. So climb it. When you get to the top, you'll still be afraid.

Just jump. Trust that the water will be there. Trust that you are brave enough to do it. Trust that your writing, good, bad or ugly, is still worth writing.

What I'd Say

I've been sending out copies of my book in PDF form. In the email, I ask the recipient not to share the book with anyone. If someone they know wants to read it, I need to send it to them directly. Basically, don't share my book without my permission because it's unpublished and I need to keep track of it.

But really, I want to put the 'inside the jacket' blurb in that email. Only I don't know how to write it. I don't even know where to start.

So instead, let me say this:

This is a story about a world that doesn't exist. It's a world with magic and mages and dragons and princes and knights and gods and goddesses. It's a world with poverty and politics and ruthless ambition and selfless acts of kindness. It's a world seen through the eyes of two girls. One, an orphan who risks her life to save the lives of people in her city and then pays the ultimate price. The other is a noble girl who lost her fiance and wants nothing more than to sit in her tower by the sea to read all the books ever written.  

Maybe you don't like the thought of another orphan story. Elian Wilding may be an orphan but this is not the story of an orphan. It's the story of a young woman who finds her humanity slipping away, replaced by dragon scales that cover her skin. It's the story of how she learns to live with only one functioning arm and of how she learns to trust someone for the first time since her mother died.

Maybe you don't want to read another story about a girl who starts falling in love with the prince. That's fine. This prince falls in love with this noble girl because she's intelligent and stubborn and confident enough to speak her mind, regardless of the consequences. Elana Montaire is no simpering belle but a girl who learns that the world is not as simple and idealist as she believes. She discovers that first love may not be the end of all life's possibilities and that she might want to do more than lock herself away.

I can't promise you won't be frustrated with them. I can't promise you won't want to scream because they're making mistakes. I can't promise you won't be angry. I can't promise you won't cry. I can't promise what this story will mean to you.

I can't promise you much of anything. The only way you'll know the truth is if you read it.

Titles, otherwise known as the bane of my existence

This was inspired by a Buzzfeed thing (article? link? Whatever, I like thing) about things all writers understand. My favorite was a list of questions taken from Tumblr and the last one was 'HOW DO I TITLE?'

This spoke to my little writer soul because in case you didn't know I FUCKING HATE having to a pick a title.

It sucks. It's like trying to summarize your whole book into a few words and I struggle boiling it down into two lengthy paragraphs. 

For those of you who might be thinking, Oh please, it can be abstract or Just reference something important in the book or Stop being a whiny writer.

To the third person, bite me. Seriously. Then I'll have a reason to beat you senseless with my Shakespeare book.

The other two, okay, yes, when you put it like that it sounds easier. But it's just freaking not. Do you remember how I referred to Black & Gold as The Stupid Book for months because I didn't have a title for it yet? I have a whole document dedicated to possible titles and let me tell you, all of them suck. The one I picked isn't the greatest but it sucks the least. 

I thought I had it all figured out ahead of time for the second book when I named it Crown & Claw. Then, as I revised, I slowly realized that that is not a good title. 

And promptly pretended I didn't know that because having to think of a new title made my little writer soul very, very angry. 

Of course, I got over it and texted my boyfriend possible title combinations before settling on one I think I like. I'm not making any promises though. I might still change my mind. So for now, the second book is going to be called Throne & Fire.

It's not freaking over though. Because I still have to name the trilogy. The nice thing about titling a single book is it usually does contain some concrete themes and ideas and events to go on. But how do you take three books' worth of plot and characters and condense it into a single title?

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

That's not even the end, because I still have only half a title for the third book.

HOW DO I TITLE????

Just Some Thoughts

"The only thing worse than writing is not writing."

I see some variation on this quote all over the place. Some of you probably scoff and roll your eyes. Writers, you chuckle, always so melodramatic. 

I admit, the sentiment can come across as an exaggeration. Sometimes, I roll my own eyes because some people love to tell everyone how important their writing is to them. I roll my eyes not because I don't believe them but because I believe that the most important things are not the things you shout from the rooftops.

For me, at least, 'not writing' is just as important. That's the time when I think things through, figure out where I want to go. 

Take the third book of the trilogy (which I realize I have to name soon...ugh. Titles suck balls.) I've had a general idea of the ending since I realized Black & Gold was going somewhere. But now I'm coming up on the time when I can write it. So I've started thinking about what else needs to happen.

Let me tell you, I am full of ideas. They bounce around my head like five year olds on a sugar high at Chucky Cheese. I want more than anything to put them on paper, turn them into an outline and plunge into the story headfirst. I know it will make me happy. I know it will be difficult and frustrating and exhilarating and sobering and exhausting. But I want it.

This is a time when I agree. I can't start writing this next story until I finish this draft of the second book (now officially re-titled as Throne & Fire). I can't start until I finish school.

To say I've never wanted anything more would be an extravagant exaggeration. But I want this even more than I want it to be summer.

So, okay, maybe that's a little melodramatic. But come on, I've got half a dozen people who won't shut up in my head. The only way to quiet them down is to write their story.

April and Almost Being Done

The next two weeks for me in school are what I believe could be found in the dictionary as a description for 'hellish'. I have two big research papers due with five days of each other as well as a proposal for another research paper that requires me to have already read two of my sources due somewhere in between the full length papers. I'm training to run a distance farther than I have run in almost two years.

Oh, and my parents are coming to visit in the weekend in the middle of everything. Which means yummy food and my mom will probably buy me shoes (and what girl doesn't like new shoes?) and my dad will reassure me that going to law school isn't just signing up for another three years of hellish Aprils.

It would be easy to put my book on the back-burner for a little while. I've definitely accepted that about querying for B & G but I refuse to let that happen with the second book. Strange as it sounds, and as much as I can bitch about how hard it is, working on my book is one of the ways I manage my stress levels. 

But after these two weeks, my life in college gets a lot easier. Like, a lot. Yes, I still have finals to study for and yes, I still have to study for the LSAT on June 6, but those are spread out over a few weeks. So I know I can do it.

And after June 6, I'm done. Which means....it's almost time to start writing the final book in my trilogy. 

*cue trumpets*

Isn't that exciting? Honestly, I'm not as in awe as you might expect. In high school, I wrote a series of five books, so finishing three in the same series doesn't feel like a new experience for me.

Except that I have absolutely no idea where to start. Ever since I finished Black & Gold, I've been jotting down random ideas for the third book in various journals but that's not a plot. Yeah, I know the big things that happen and yes, I know how it ends. But everything else? I have only a vague idea.

The solution to that is to make an outline. Some authors are strict about outlines and others just sort of jump in and figure it out as they go along. I was the first kind of author for the second book and the second kind of author for the first book.

Three years ago, I had to write the outline for the fifth book in that series I mentioned. It took me being stuck on an airplane for three hours for me to actually get it done. And let me tell you, I spent a lot of time looking out the window at the clouds because I wanted to be doing anything else.

I'm hoping that's not what happens with this outline because I have no plane rides to force me to get it done. I also can't let myself start until after I take the LSAT, for a number of reasons, chief among them that the LSAT is just a little important. Actually, pretty damn important.

Once I finish this draft of the second book (which I'm in the middle of re-titling by the way), I'll start giving it to people to read. And I'll start writing the third book (only have half the title.)

Hot damn, we're almost to summer! 

See what I did there? No? Okay, I'll let myself out.

The Steps of Revision According to Elizabeth Miller

Step 1: In a timely manner, complete the things necessary to continue your existence as a part-time adult. This includes feeding yourself, finishing your homework, and put on comfortable pants.

Step 2: Make sure you have consumed coffee today. If it is before 5:00 p.m., consume more if you find your caffeine levels lacking. If you don't drink coffee or it is after 5:00 p.m., drink tea. If you don't like either, go away.

Step 3: Sit down and get your chosen pen out. If you have proceeded to entering your edits into your computer, open the document.

Step 4: Promptly check Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Youtube, Pinterest, and then Instagram again with the pen out next to you.

Step 5: Grumble and get one page through. If you feel like you are the world's worst writer and no one will ever publish your stuff, proceed to Step 6a. If you feel your writing is pretty darn good, proceed to Step 6b.

Step 6a: Remind yourself you're making it better and continue editing.
Step 6b: Turn off Netflix because clearly you need to devote your full attention to your book.

Step 7: After three pages, decide you've earned a break. Get a snack and re-watch an episode of Arrow and ogle Stephen Amell's abs/arms/chest/back while he does a salmon ladder.

Step 8: After two episodes, get annoyed with yourself, shut your laptop (if you need it, take it to your bed). Remove pants for maximum comfort and crack down. Ten pages later, turn off the lamp and go to sleep.

Step 9: Turn the lamp back on to jot down the great idea you spent five minutes trying to convince yourself you'd remember in the morning before coming to your senses.