You ask me, why?
Why do I care about that woman sitting at the bar,
without any friends and too many leering admirers?
Why do I care about that girl, sitting alone in the cafeteria,
not eating because the shaggy haired boy called her fat?
Why do I care about the woman in the office,
crying because someone told her she couldn't make it as a teacher?
Why do I care about the girl in the classroom, alone
amidst a sea of boys who have never been asked,
"Are you sure you want to be an engineer?"
Why do I care about what happens to all these women,
all these girls, when none of it happens to me?
Because one day, my friend will run late, and I will
be that woman alone.
Because I used to hate how big my thighs were under
elementary school desks.
Because I cry when someone I admire tells me
I might not be good enough.
Because I know those women. I knew them as a girls, too.
Because one day, I might have a daughter who wants to be
an engineer or a biologist or a chemist or a
doctor or a pathologist or a writer or a teacher or
a nurse or an artist or a historian or a CEO
or stay at home mom or a graphic designer
or a farmer or a soldier or a professor or a senator
or a president.
Wednesday, March 1, 2017
Sunday, February 12, 2017
Guess What
Guess what this post is about.
Go on. Guess.
REVISION!!!
My guide to revision:
Step 1: Mark the changes I want to make in purple pen on a printed copy of the book. The purple pen is very important.
Step 2: Make those changes in the document on my computer.
Step 3a: Cry.
Step 3b: Consider never writing again because why should I do something that makes me want to knock myself unconscious on my desk?
Step 3c: Wonder whether I'm wasting my life getting a degree in Creative Writing.
Step 3d: Decide that having the will and tenacity to finish a novel translates well into other ares of my life and stop crying.
Step 3e: If it's morning, get more coffee. If it's afternoon, get more coffee. If it's night, just go to bed out of frustrated exhaustion.
Step 4: Finish inputting the changes. Use my massive amount of print pages to print a new copy. I do this on the fourth floor of the library on a Friday so no one attacks me for using the printer to print 200+ pages.
Repeat steps 1-4 to achieve draft 3.
I finished Step 1 tonight. I had the lofty goal of finishing two revisions of this book before spring break.
Pause for condescending laughter at my past self.
Yeah, that's not going to happen. I have other life things going on that are slightly more time-sensitive than revision so they have to take priority. But I am in a good place mentally right now and because of that, I find revision an enjoyable activity.
Does that mean I'm going to start on Step 2 tonight? Maybe. Probably not. I don't know. I haven't decided.
I have a test tomorrow, an essay due in a few weeks, never-ending reading, and joyful adult tasks to complete.
Oh, and I also graduate from college three months from tomorrow.
I'm not freaking out. You're freaking out.
I'm stopping now. Good night.
Go on. Guess.
REVISION!!!
My guide to revision:
Step 1: Mark the changes I want to make in purple pen on a printed copy of the book. The purple pen is very important.
Step 2: Make those changes in the document on my computer.
Step 3a: Cry.
Step 3b: Consider never writing again because why should I do something that makes me want to knock myself unconscious on my desk?
Step 3c: Wonder whether I'm wasting my life getting a degree in Creative Writing.
Step 3d: Decide that having the will and tenacity to finish a novel translates well into other ares of my life and stop crying.
Step 3e: If it's morning, get more coffee. If it's afternoon, get more coffee. If it's night, just go to bed out of frustrated exhaustion.
Step 4: Finish inputting the changes. Use my massive amount of print pages to print a new copy. I do this on the fourth floor of the library on a Friday so no one attacks me for using the printer to print 200+ pages.
Repeat steps 1-4 to achieve draft 3.
I finished Step 1 tonight. I had the lofty goal of finishing two revisions of this book before spring break.
Pause for condescending laughter at my past self.
Yeah, that's not going to happen. I have other life things going on that are slightly more time-sensitive than revision so they have to take priority. But I am in a good place mentally right now and because of that, I find revision an enjoyable activity.
Does that mean I'm going to start on Step 2 tonight? Maybe. Probably not. I don't know. I haven't decided.
I have a test tomorrow, an essay due in a few weeks, never-ending reading, and joyful adult tasks to complete.
Oh, and I also graduate from college three months from tomorrow.
I'm not freaking out. You're freaking out.
I'm stopping now. Good night.
Monday, January 30, 2017
This is Not Right
I have spent a long time debating whether to write this. Even now, I'm not sure what will come of it and I don't know if I am prepared for all the possible reactions.
This is not about writing. This is about what is going on in my country, right now.
Some of you reading this may wonder why I hesitated. The answer is that I prefer not to engage in online debate on Facebook. I know from studying psychology, that very few people who get into arguments about political issues are actually interested in an intelligent discussion. And when I say intelligent, I mean fact-based, respectful, and empathetic.
I stayed quiet because I did not want to end up in any sort of fight with someone who I could not convince to even consider my point of view. It's a waste of my time and it would not offer any noticeable change.
But what is going on in my country right now, it is not right. Too many people have been frightened or forced into silence. I have not and if I sit silent because I am worried about someone's opinion of me, then I am complicit in the atmosphere of hate and fear.
That is not right.
There are so many wrongs to choose from: the ban on immigrants, temporarily stayed by judges, the censorship of scientists, the tightening of the noose around women's health care, the fact that a man who brags about assaulting women has the ability to bring the apocalypse raining down on the innocent men, women and children of the entire globe, and the list goes on.
I believe every one of those to be wrong. Every single one.
You are free to disagree with me. It is your Constitutional right to tell me I am wrong, that I'm a stupid bitch or a fucking liberal. But that same right applies to me when I say I disagree with everything you believe. It does not make me unpatriotic. It does not make me subhuman. It makes me an American. The moment anyone threatens to take away your right to say what you believe, that is when America is in danger.
You might think that Democrats or liberals or anyone who disagrees with you needs to shut up and just accept the new president. But don't you dare argue that we are unpatriotic when we exercise our right to tell you to go to hell because we are not going to shut up.
This all applies to those who think like me. You can't stand up and talk about equality without knowing you have to be willing to protect your worst enemy's right to speak their mind, too. That's how this works. A genuine defense of the Constitution, of the United States of America, means defending someone's right to disagree and say the exact opposite of you.
On my mom's side, I have an ancestor who lived in colonial America. She was applauded by the governor after she killed a group of Native Americans. They had killed her family, including her newborn baby, and taken her and her only surviving child hostage. While they slept, she killed and scalped them.
On my dad's side, I have a Cherokee ancestor. I'm also the descendant of German and Irish immigrants. Yet I am a white woman, safe and warm and fortunate enough to be attending a university. I am lucky. I know that.
I could stay quiet. I could avoid offending anyone. I could languish in my relative safety.
But I have read enough of history to know how that will end. Fear and hate are the greatest weapons of mass destruction ever created by mankind. My fear is nothing compared to the fear of those trapped in airports right now, or of those terrified they will be separated from their families. But my fear serves the same purpose: it threatens to keep me from doing anything.
No more.
This is not right.
This is not right.
This is not right.
This is not about writing. This is about what is going on in my country, right now.
Some of you reading this may wonder why I hesitated. The answer is that I prefer not to engage in online debate on Facebook. I know from studying psychology, that very few people who get into arguments about political issues are actually interested in an intelligent discussion. And when I say intelligent, I mean fact-based, respectful, and empathetic.
I stayed quiet because I did not want to end up in any sort of fight with someone who I could not convince to even consider my point of view. It's a waste of my time and it would not offer any noticeable change.
But what is going on in my country right now, it is not right. Too many people have been frightened or forced into silence. I have not and if I sit silent because I am worried about someone's opinion of me, then I am complicit in the atmosphere of hate and fear.
That is not right.
There are so many wrongs to choose from: the ban on immigrants, temporarily stayed by judges, the censorship of scientists, the tightening of the noose around women's health care, the fact that a man who brags about assaulting women has the ability to bring the apocalypse raining down on the innocent men, women and children of the entire globe, and the list goes on.
I believe every one of those to be wrong. Every single one.
You are free to disagree with me. It is your Constitutional right to tell me I am wrong, that I'm a stupid bitch or a fucking liberal. But that same right applies to me when I say I disagree with everything you believe. It does not make me unpatriotic. It does not make me subhuman. It makes me an American. The moment anyone threatens to take away your right to say what you believe, that is when America is in danger.
You might think that Democrats or liberals or anyone who disagrees with you needs to shut up and just accept the new president. But don't you dare argue that we are unpatriotic when we exercise our right to tell you to go to hell because we are not going to shut up.
This all applies to those who think like me. You can't stand up and talk about equality without knowing you have to be willing to protect your worst enemy's right to speak their mind, too. That's how this works. A genuine defense of the Constitution, of the United States of America, means defending someone's right to disagree and say the exact opposite of you.
On my mom's side, I have an ancestor who lived in colonial America. She was applauded by the governor after she killed a group of Native Americans. They had killed her family, including her newborn baby, and taken her and her only surviving child hostage. While they slept, she killed and scalped them.
On my dad's side, I have a Cherokee ancestor. I'm also the descendant of German and Irish immigrants. Yet I am a white woman, safe and warm and fortunate enough to be attending a university. I am lucky. I know that.
I could stay quiet. I could avoid offending anyone. I could languish in my relative safety.
But I have read enough of history to know how that will end. Fear and hate are the greatest weapons of mass destruction ever created by mankind. My fear is nothing compared to the fear of those trapped in airports right now, or of those terrified they will be separated from their families. But my fear serves the same purpose: it threatens to keep me from doing anything.
No more.
This is not right.
This is not right.
This is not right.
Saturday, January 14, 2017
January Thoughts
It's been a while, hasn't it? Last time we talked I told you about my senior capstone essay. It turned out very well, if you were curious. Overall, last semester ended on high notes but the best part is this: I am now done with my psychology degree! I had a lot of trouble finding passion for my second major but last semester, I finally found it interesting and I'm happy about that.
I spent three and a half very cold and very snowy weeks at home and relaxed. It consisted of lots of coffee with my mom, working out with my dad, and eating really good food. I also started on the revision for book 3. I really should be focusing on Black & Gold but I promised Shelby she could read it so Black & Gold is my summer project.
I feel like most of my posts on here revolve around revision so I will try to say new and exciting things. I will also try to talk more about my final semester of undergrad and everything that entails. I have four academic classes this semester: Film Theory and Criticism, American Regional Literature, Contemporary American History, and Secret Societies and Conspiracy Theories. I thought only having four classes would make this semester easy but I'm quickly realizing that is not true at all. So, this should be interesting.
I am also in the home stretch of finishing my law school application. My personal deadline is January 31 but (fingers crossed) it will be done long before that. My focus right now is my personal statement. This is a 2-3 page essay that is basically about why you want to go to law school or be a lawyer. Shocker, I'm using writing as my focus in this essay.
It's also a good reminder of why I HATE writing nonfiction. Some writers claim that your childhood provides all the material you'll ever need for a story. That's nice but most of my childhood consisted of sitting on my butt and making shit up. So you can see why I disagree. Plus, I inherently distrust anyone who tries to put a limit on the times when life can be shocking, beautiful, motivating, heartbreaking, or entertaining. That's simply ridiculous.
So, as far as writing goes, you can expect posts about:
1) My revision of Sky & Steel
2) My law school application
3) Me complaining about writing essays.
Additionally, look for posts about:
1) My final semester of undergrad
2) Musings about life lessons writing has taught me
3) Advice
4) Probably something about running because in March I'm going to start training to run the San Francisco Marathon.
Happy 2017, friends. I promise next time I'll try to be funny.
I spent three and a half very cold and very snowy weeks at home and relaxed. It consisted of lots of coffee with my mom, working out with my dad, and eating really good food. I also started on the revision for book 3. I really should be focusing on Black & Gold but I promised Shelby she could read it so Black & Gold is my summer project.
I feel like most of my posts on here revolve around revision so I will try to say new and exciting things. I will also try to talk more about my final semester of undergrad and everything that entails. I have four academic classes this semester: Film Theory and Criticism, American Regional Literature, Contemporary American History, and Secret Societies and Conspiracy Theories. I thought only having four classes would make this semester easy but I'm quickly realizing that is not true at all. So, this should be interesting.
I am also in the home stretch of finishing my law school application. My personal deadline is January 31 but (fingers crossed) it will be done long before that. My focus right now is my personal statement. This is a 2-3 page essay that is basically about why you want to go to law school or be a lawyer. Shocker, I'm using writing as my focus in this essay.
It's also a good reminder of why I HATE writing nonfiction. Some writers claim that your childhood provides all the material you'll ever need for a story. That's nice but most of my childhood consisted of sitting on my butt and making shit up. So you can see why I disagree. Plus, I inherently distrust anyone who tries to put a limit on the times when life can be shocking, beautiful, motivating, heartbreaking, or entertaining. That's simply ridiculous.
So, as far as writing goes, you can expect posts about:
1) My revision of Sky & Steel
2) My law school application
3) Me complaining about writing essays.
Additionally, look for posts about:
1) My final semester of undergrad
2) Musings about life lessons writing has taught me
3) Advice
4) Probably something about running because in March I'm going to start training to run the San Francisco Marathon.
Happy 2017, friends. I promise next time I'll try to be funny.
Tuesday, December 13, 2016
My Capstone Essay
For those of you who don't know, this semester I took the English Senior Seminar. This is our capstone class and at the end, we have to write a 15-20 page paper analyzing a narrative of our choice. I chose The Book Thief by Markus Zusak because it's my favorite book and rereading it for class was not painful and because it's full of material to use.
That being said, I am still a first class passenger on the struggle bus.
It's incredibly difficult for me to feel like I'm making progress when I have five pages left to meet the minimum and I'm already worried I'll run out of things to say. This is in part because I worry that if I have to force length into an essay, I end up repeating myself.
It's also difficult because I love this professor. Her name is Erin James and you should totally take a class from her if you ever have the chance. She is amazing. So yeah, I don't want to disappoint her. I went in to her office to talk about my paper a few times and she's one of those professors who has the ability to make you excited about your major because she's excited about it, too. And she's told me that I have a good idea and she's excited to read my final paper.
So, naturally, I'm paralyzed. I'm so afraid I won't do a good enough job and that I'll disappoint her and I'll disappoint myself. Added to that is the fact that this is supposed to the crowning achievement of my career as an English major.
In short: I have writer's block, combined with stage fright and with a good helping of the fear of disappointing someone I admire thrown in to make a nice, tasty stress feast.
*stress eats goldfish*
I know how I could solve this. It's the same problem I face every time I start a first draft. I have to find a way to shut up my inner critic, my internal editor, and just write. The thing I am good at (most days.)
And I can't seem to do it. Why? My theory is it's because I know for a fact someone else will read this, whether I want them to or not. With my stories, there's always the chance I can decide no one else will read the story. Not true with a senior capstone essay.
In other (more exciting news) this morning I took my last ever psychology final. I am officially done with all my psychology classes. Even though I'm not graduating until May, I technically have a psychology degree now and that's pretty damn exciting.
That being said, I am still a first class passenger on the struggle bus.
It's incredibly difficult for me to feel like I'm making progress when I have five pages left to meet the minimum and I'm already worried I'll run out of things to say. This is in part because I worry that if I have to force length into an essay, I end up repeating myself.
It's also difficult because I love this professor. Her name is Erin James and you should totally take a class from her if you ever have the chance. She is amazing. So yeah, I don't want to disappoint her. I went in to her office to talk about my paper a few times and she's one of those professors who has the ability to make you excited about your major because she's excited about it, too. And she's told me that I have a good idea and she's excited to read my final paper.
So, naturally, I'm paralyzed. I'm so afraid I won't do a good enough job and that I'll disappoint her and I'll disappoint myself. Added to that is the fact that this is supposed to the crowning achievement of my career as an English major.
In short: I have writer's block, combined with stage fright and with a good helping of the fear of disappointing someone I admire thrown in to make a nice, tasty stress feast.
*stress eats goldfish*
I know how I could solve this. It's the same problem I face every time I start a first draft. I have to find a way to shut up my inner critic, my internal editor, and just write. The thing I am good at (most days.)
And I can't seem to do it. Why? My theory is it's because I know for a fact someone else will read this, whether I want them to or not. With my stories, there's always the chance I can decide no one else will read the story. Not true with a senior capstone essay.
In other (more exciting news) this morning I took my last ever psychology final. I am officially done with all my psychology classes. Even though I'm not graduating until May, I technically have a psychology degree now and that's pretty damn exciting.
Monday, November 28, 2016
NaNo Week 4
November 28 goal: 46,676
Current word count: 55,276
Favorite writing song of the week: "Chasing Twisters" by Delta Rae
Hardest thing about this week: Honestly, that I hit 50,000 words and I'm still not finished with the story. I should be happy I don't have to spend an hour every day writing because of finals and papers but I'm not. I like writing so hitting 50,000 and still having a story left in me is hard. On the other hand, I'm also insanely proud of myself for hitting 50,000 six days early in spite of everything so it's bittersweet.
Easiest thing about this week: The actual act of sitting down and writing. This is probably because I was home and didn't have any obligations. But it's also because I got to the ending, the part I've had the most time to think about and plan.
Goals for this week: Write at least a little every day. I'm close to being done with the rough draft of the story and I don't want to just quit cold turkey.
Random closing thoughts: I think last year I finished on November 24 too. That's kind of cool. I also think my story last year ended at around 55,000 words so this one is going to be longer. It's still a first draft and I tend to 'underwrite' my first drafts. That just means I add a lot of scenes in revision. Never thought that would be the case. I was always convinced I'd have to cut stuff. I still do but I add more than I cut.
Announcements/ What's next
1. Finish All the World's a Stage, ideally before I go home for Christmas.
2. Over Christmas, start revising Sky & Steel. Shelby, I hope you read this.
3. Write my senior English paper on The Book Thief.
4. Post a review of the program I used to write this NaNo story. It's called Scrivener.
5. And last, but not least, I'm already getting ideas for the sequel to All the World's a Stage, title to be determined. There are only going to be two in this story and maybe this summer I'll start asking around for beta readers because this is a story I think people would like.
Now, if you're in college, good luck on your finals and projects and papers! If you're a real adult with a job, hang in there, Christmas is less than a month away. If you're a senior, don't forget to apply to graduate in the spring.
Current word count: 55,276
Favorite writing song of the week: "Chasing Twisters" by Delta Rae
Hardest thing about this week: Honestly, that I hit 50,000 words and I'm still not finished with the story. I should be happy I don't have to spend an hour every day writing because of finals and papers but I'm not. I like writing so hitting 50,000 and still having a story left in me is hard. On the other hand, I'm also insanely proud of myself for hitting 50,000 six days early in spite of everything so it's bittersweet.
Easiest thing about this week: The actual act of sitting down and writing. This is probably because I was home and didn't have any obligations. But it's also because I got to the ending, the part I've had the most time to think about and plan.
Goals for this week: Write at least a little every day. I'm close to being done with the rough draft of the story and I don't want to just quit cold turkey.
Random closing thoughts: I think last year I finished on November 24 too. That's kind of cool. I also think my story last year ended at around 55,000 words so this one is going to be longer. It's still a first draft and I tend to 'underwrite' my first drafts. That just means I add a lot of scenes in revision. Never thought that would be the case. I was always convinced I'd have to cut stuff. I still do but I add more than I cut.
Announcements/ What's next
1. Finish All the World's a Stage, ideally before I go home for Christmas.
2. Over Christmas, start revising Sky & Steel. Shelby, I hope you read this.
3. Write my senior English paper on The Book Thief.
4. Post a review of the program I used to write this NaNo story. It's called Scrivener.
5. And last, but not least, I'm already getting ideas for the sequel to All the World's a Stage, title to be determined. There are only going to be two in this story and maybe this summer I'll start asking around for beta readers because this is a story I think people would like.
Now, if you're in college, good luck on your finals and projects and papers! If you're a real adult with a job, hang in there, Christmas is less than a month away. If you're a senior, don't forget to apply to graduate in the spring.
Monday, November 21, 2016
NaNo Week 3
November 21 goal: 35,007
Current word count: 43,538
Favorite writing song from the week: "Misty Mountains" by Richard Armitage
Hardest thing about this week: I realized my story is not going to be even close to finished at 50,000 words. That's good but it also means I'm going to be juggling finishing it while working on my numerous final projects. Stress-wise, that's been difficult.
Easiest thing about this week: I've gotten to write a bunch of awesome scenes. They were some of the scenes I imagined right from the beginning and I loved getting to write them. I'm also loving my main character. She's so sassy.
Goals for this week: Dare I say it? Hit 50,000. I already ordered my winner's shirt so I might as well finish the 50,000 words early.
Random closing thoughts: According to the helpful word counter on the NaNo website, I should finish on November 25. I'm thinking that it will actually be Thursday, Wednesday at the earliest. I mean, I could finish tomorrow if I really put my mind to it but...well, I have other things I want to do.
And seriously, dialogue is my favorite thing to write. I especially like bantering dialogue. It doesn't have to be romantic either. Friendship bantering is just as much fun. Jamie (the main character) banters with her best friend, Gwen, a lot.
But seriously, how am I less than 10,000 words away? How did that happen?
Current word count: 43,538
Favorite writing song from the week: "Misty Mountains" by Richard Armitage
Hardest thing about this week: I realized my story is not going to be even close to finished at 50,000 words. That's good but it also means I'm going to be juggling finishing it while working on my numerous final projects. Stress-wise, that's been difficult.
Easiest thing about this week: I've gotten to write a bunch of awesome scenes. They were some of the scenes I imagined right from the beginning and I loved getting to write them. I'm also loving my main character. She's so sassy.
Goals for this week: Dare I say it? Hit 50,000. I already ordered my winner's shirt so I might as well finish the 50,000 words early.
Random closing thoughts: According to the helpful word counter on the NaNo website, I should finish on November 25. I'm thinking that it will actually be Thursday, Wednesday at the earliest. I mean, I could finish tomorrow if I really put my mind to it but...well, I have other things I want to do.
And seriously, dialogue is my favorite thing to write. I especially like bantering dialogue. It doesn't have to be romantic either. Friendship bantering is just as much fun. Jamie (the main character) banters with her best friend, Gwen, a lot.
But seriously, how am I less than 10,000 words away? How did that happen?
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