For those of you who don't know, this semester I took the English Senior Seminar. This is our capstone class and at the end, we have to write a 15-20 page paper analyzing a narrative of our choice. I chose The Book Thief by Markus Zusak because it's my favorite book and rereading it for class was not painful and because it's full of material to use.
That being said, I am still a first class passenger on the struggle bus.
It's incredibly difficult for me to feel like I'm making progress when I have five pages left to meet the minimum and I'm already worried I'll run out of things to say. This is in part because I worry that if I have to force length into an essay, I end up repeating myself.
It's also difficult because I love this professor. Her name is Erin James and you should totally take a class from her if you ever have the chance. She is amazing. So yeah, I don't want to disappoint her. I went in to her office to talk about my paper a few times and she's one of those professors who has the ability to make you excited about your major because she's excited about it, too. And she's told me that I have a good idea and she's excited to read my final paper.
So, naturally, I'm paralyzed. I'm so afraid I won't do a good enough job and that I'll disappoint her and I'll disappoint myself. Added to that is the fact that this is supposed to the crowning achievement of my career as an English major.
In short: I have writer's block, combined with stage fright and with a good helping of the fear of disappointing someone I admire thrown in to make a nice, tasty stress feast.
*stress eats goldfish*
I know how I could solve this. It's the same problem I face every time I start a first draft. I have to find a way to shut up my inner critic, my internal editor, and just write. The thing I am good at (most days.)
And I can't seem to do it. Why? My theory is it's because I know for a fact someone else will read this, whether I want them to or not. With my stories, there's always the chance I can decide no one else will read the story. Not true with a senior capstone essay.
In other (more exciting news) this morning I took my last ever psychology final. I am officially done with all my psychology classes. Even though I'm not graduating until May, I technically have a psychology degree now and that's pretty damn exciting.
Tuesday, December 13, 2016
Monday, November 28, 2016
NaNo Week 4
November 28 goal: 46,676
Current word count: 55,276
Favorite writing song of the week: "Chasing Twisters" by Delta Rae
Hardest thing about this week: Honestly, that I hit 50,000 words and I'm still not finished with the story. I should be happy I don't have to spend an hour every day writing because of finals and papers but I'm not. I like writing so hitting 50,000 and still having a story left in me is hard. On the other hand, I'm also insanely proud of myself for hitting 50,000 six days early in spite of everything so it's bittersweet.
Easiest thing about this week: The actual act of sitting down and writing. This is probably because I was home and didn't have any obligations. But it's also because I got to the ending, the part I've had the most time to think about and plan.
Goals for this week: Write at least a little every day. I'm close to being done with the rough draft of the story and I don't want to just quit cold turkey.
Random closing thoughts: I think last year I finished on November 24 too. That's kind of cool. I also think my story last year ended at around 55,000 words so this one is going to be longer. It's still a first draft and I tend to 'underwrite' my first drafts. That just means I add a lot of scenes in revision. Never thought that would be the case. I was always convinced I'd have to cut stuff. I still do but I add more than I cut.
Announcements/ What's next
1. Finish All the World's a Stage, ideally before I go home for Christmas.
2. Over Christmas, start revising Sky & Steel. Shelby, I hope you read this.
3. Write my senior English paper on The Book Thief.
4. Post a review of the program I used to write this NaNo story. It's called Scrivener.
5. And last, but not least, I'm already getting ideas for the sequel to All the World's a Stage, title to be determined. There are only going to be two in this story and maybe this summer I'll start asking around for beta readers because this is a story I think people would like.
Now, if you're in college, good luck on your finals and projects and papers! If you're a real adult with a job, hang in there, Christmas is less than a month away. If you're a senior, don't forget to apply to graduate in the spring.
Current word count: 55,276
Favorite writing song of the week: "Chasing Twisters" by Delta Rae
Hardest thing about this week: Honestly, that I hit 50,000 words and I'm still not finished with the story. I should be happy I don't have to spend an hour every day writing because of finals and papers but I'm not. I like writing so hitting 50,000 and still having a story left in me is hard. On the other hand, I'm also insanely proud of myself for hitting 50,000 six days early in spite of everything so it's bittersweet.
Easiest thing about this week: The actual act of sitting down and writing. This is probably because I was home and didn't have any obligations. But it's also because I got to the ending, the part I've had the most time to think about and plan.
Goals for this week: Write at least a little every day. I'm close to being done with the rough draft of the story and I don't want to just quit cold turkey.
Random closing thoughts: I think last year I finished on November 24 too. That's kind of cool. I also think my story last year ended at around 55,000 words so this one is going to be longer. It's still a first draft and I tend to 'underwrite' my first drafts. That just means I add a lot of scenes in revision. Never thought that would be the case. I was always convinced I'd have to cut stuff. I still do but I add more than I cut.
Announcements/ What's next
1. Finish All the World's a Stage, ideally before I go home for Christmas.
2. Over Christmas, start revising Sky & Steel. Shelby, I hope you read this.
3. Write my senior English paper on The Book Thief.
4. Post a review of the program I used to write this NaNo story. It's called Scrivener.
5. And last, but not least, I'm already getting ideas for the sequel to All the World's a Stage, title to be determined. There are only going to be two in this story and maybe this summer I'll start asking around for beta readers because this is a story I think people would like.
Now, if you're in college, good luck on your finals and projects and papers! If you're a real adult with a job, hang in there, Christmas is less than a month away. If you're a senior, don't forget to apply to graduate in the spring.
Monday, November 21, 2016
NaNo Week 3
November 21 goal: 35,007
Current word count: 43,538
Favorite writing song from the week: "Misty Mountains" by Richard Armitage
Hardest thing about this week: I realized my story is not going to be even close to finished at 50,000 words. That's good but it also means I'm going to be juggling finishing it while working on my numerous final projects. Stress-wise, that's been difficult.
Easiest thing about this week: I've gotten to write a bunch of awesome scenes. They were some of the scenes I imagined right from the beginning and I loved getting to write them. I'm also loving my main character. She's so sassy.
Goals for this week: Dare I say it? Hit 50,000. I already ordered my winner's shirt so I might as well finish the 50,000 words early.
Random closing thoughts: According to the helpful word counter on the NaNo website, I should finish on November 25. I'm thinking that it will actually be Thursday, Wednesday at the earliest. I mean, I could finish tomorrow if I really put my mind to it but...well, I have other things I want to do.
And seriously, dialogue is my favorite thing to write. I especially like bantering dialogue. It doesn't have to be romantic either. Friendship bantering is just as much fun. Jamie (the main character) banters with her best friend, Gwen, a lot.
But seriously, how am I less than 10,000 words away? How did that happen?
Current word count: 43,538
Favorite writing song from the week: "Misty Mountains" by Richard Armitage
Hardest thing about this week: I realized my story is not going to be even close to finished at 50,000 words. That's good but it also means I'm going to be juggling finishing it while working on my numerous final projects. Stress-wise, that's been difficult.
Easiest thing about this week: I've gotten to write a bunch of awesome scenes. They were some of the scenes I imagined right from the beginning and I loved getting to write them. I'm also loving my main character. She's so sassy.
Goals for this week: Dare I say it? Hit 50,000. I already ordered my winner's shirt so I might as well finish the 50,000 words early.
Random closing thoughts: According to the helpful word counter on the NaNo website, I should finish on November 25. I'm thinking that it will actually be Thursday, Wednesday at the earliest. I mean, I could finish tomorrow if I really put my mind to it but...well, I have other things I want to do.
And seriously, dialogue is my favorite thing to write. I especially like bantering dialogue. It doesn't have to be romantic either. Friendship bantering is just as much fun. Jamie (the main character) banters with her best friend, Gwen, a lot.
But seriously, how am I less than 10,000 words away? How did that happen?
Monday, November 14, 2016
NaNo Week 2
November 14 goal: 23,338
Current word count: 30,0000
Favorite writing song from the week: Honestly, it's a tie between "Heartland (Long)" by Celtic Thunder and "Narcissistic Cannibal" by EarlyRise
Hardest thing about this week: I'm finally getting into my story and enjoying writing it but I've had to split my focus between the story and school, so I haven't been able to devote as much time as I would like to writing.
Easiest thing about this week: Around Thursday I hit my stride and suddenly 1,667 words doesn't take me two+ hours to trudge through and that's made it a lot easier. I can just sit down and crank through 1600-1900 words usually and it doesn't take as long as it did during the first week. Also I wrote almost 7,000 words this weekend and that was pretty great.
Goals for this week: I have a test and an outline due on Wednesday and another paper due on Friday so I'm going to try to be okay with the fact that I can take a day off from writing. That's why I've built myself a couple buffer days.
Lessons learned this week: Um...most of my lessons have been about my characters and who they are and how they behave. I don't want to share because I'm hoping this story pans out into something like a book.
Random closing thoughts: Chocolate is still a great motivator but so is getting into the swing of my story. Also, being halfway done two days early was a great feeling. And yes, I am actually at 30,000 words right. I stopped because it worked out that the end of a sentence was at 30,000 and I'm a sucker for any number that's a multiple of 5.
Don't ask me why, I just really like that. We all have our weird things. I also refuse to write in any font other than Garamond (for school papers I switch it to Times New Roman when I'm done) and it has to be on 1.5 spacing.
Random last thought: If you use Microsoft Word, please for the love of every good thing in this world, click on the 'Remove space after paragraph' option under the 'Paragraph' tab. It drives me up the fucking wall when people don't do that. It looks awful and you waste more paper. Just do it.
Current word count: 30,0000
Favorite writing song from the week: Honestly, it's a tie between "Heartland (Long)" by Celtic Thunder and "Narcissistic Cannibal" by EarlyRise
Hardest thing about this week: I'm finally getting into my story and enjoying writing it but I've had to split my focus between the story and school, so I haven't been able to devote as much time as I would like to writing.
Easiest thing about this week: Around Thursday I hit my stride and suddenly 1,667 words doesn't take me two+ hours to trudge through and that's made it a lot easier. I can just sit down and crank through 1600-1900 words usually and it doesn't take as long as it did during the first week. Also I wrote almost 7,000 words this weekend and that was pretty great.
Goals for this week: I have a test and an outline due on Wednesday and another paper due on Friday so I'm going to try to be okay with the fact that I can take a day off from writing. That's why I've built myself a couple buffer days.
Lessons learned this week: Um...most of my lessons have been about my characters and who they are and how they behave. I don't want to share because I'm hoping this story pans out into something like a book.
Random closing thoughts: Chocolate is still a great motivator but so is getting into the swing of my story. Also, being halfway done two days early was a great feeling. And yes, I am actually at 30,000 words right. I stopped because it worked out that the end of a sentence was at 30,000 and I'm a sucker for any number that's a multiple of 5.
Don't ask me why, I just really like that. We all have our weird things. I also refuse to write in any font other than Garamond (for school papers I switch it to Times New Roman when I'm done) and it has to be on 1.5 spacing.
Random last thought: If you use Microsoft Word, please for the love of every good thing in this world, click on the 'Remove space after paragraph' option under the 'Paragraph' tab. It drives me up the fucking wall when people don't do that. It looks awful and you waste more paper. Just do it.
Monday, November 7, 2016
NaNo Week 1
November 7 goal (1,667/day): 11,669
Current word count: 14,353
Favorite writing song from this week: "You Are Free" by Jimmy Eat World
The hardest thing from this week: I struggled a lot with getting into my first-person narrator. It's been three years since I wrote in first person and the transition was more difficult than I though it would be. There's a lot of freedom in a third person narrator but there's also a lot of things you give up when you let go of such a close relationship with a main character. At the same time, it's difficult to go back to limiting your descriptions to what a person would believably notice or think about.
The easiest thing from this week: There were two days (Thursday and Friday) where the writing came easily and felt right. I should also lump in one of the major scenes because it turned out much better than I expected for a first draft try.
Goals for this next week: Stay on top of all my homework- I have a test on Friday that will need to be studied for. Plus I have the never-ending research stream to tackle but in less than two weeks I'll be headed home for Thanksgiving, so that's giving me the strength to keep going.
Lessons learned this week: Chocolate is a really great motivated for when I don't want to write anymore but I really want the chocolate. WinCo bulk, you are my savior.
Random closing thoughts: I'm ahead on my word count but I'm going to try not to use my 'skip day' for as long as possible. I'm most likely to need it next week because I have another test but I have two research-related assignments due as well. But, depending on the outcome of the election tomorrow, I might end up consuming large amounts of wine and then I'll need a skip day.
I just realized I've written more than 14,000 words in the past week. That's more than most people write in a year, let alone a week, and I'm suddenly really, really proud of myself.
Go me!
Current word count: 14,353
Favorite writing song from this week: "You Are Free" by Jimmy Eat World
The hardest thing from this week: I struggled a lot with getting into my first-person narrator. It's been three years since I wrote in first person and the transition was more difficult than I though it would be. There's a lot of freedom in a third person narrator but there's also a lot of things you give up when you let go of such a close relationship with a main character. At the same time, it's difficult to go back to limiting your descriptions to what a person would believably notice or think about.
The easiest thing from this week: There were two days (Thursday and Friday) where the writing came easily and felt right. I should also lump in one of the major scenes because it turned out much better than I expected for a first draft try.
Goals for this next week: Stay on top of all my homework- I have a test on Friday that will need to be studied for. Plus I have the never-ending research stream to tackle but in less than two weeks I'll be headed home for Thanksgiving, so that's giving me the strength to keep going.
Lessons learned this week: Chocolate is a really great motivated for when I don't want to write anymore but I really want the chocolate. WinCo bulk, you are my savior.
Random closing thoughts: I'm ahead on my word count but I'm going to try not to use my 'skip day' for as long as possible. I'm most likely to need it next week because I have another test but I have two research-related assignments due as well. But, depending on the outcome of the election tomorrow, I might end up consuming large amounts of wine and then I'll need a skip day.
I just realized I've written more than 14,000 words in the past week. That's more than most people write in a year, let alone a week, and I'm suddenly really, really proud of myself.
Go me!
Monday, October 31, 2016
On the Eve of NaNo WriMo
It's Halloween and I'm home in my sweats, drinking my water, and writing to you lovely people.
Side note: There should be some law against Halloween ever falling on a Monday. I mean, take pity on the poor parents of kids with sugar-induced stomach-aches who are gonna be up late.
But anyway. Even if Halloween wasn't on a Monday, I wouldn't be out. Partly because I have no desire to go drinking (it's expensive and I like sleep are the two main reasons) but mostly because tomorrow is November 1.
The official start of National Novel Writing Month and that day is far more significant in my world than Halloween.
If it wasn't a Monday night, I'd stay up until midnight and get my first 1,667 words done. Alas, it is a Monday night and I'm getting up at 7:00 to go for a run tomorrow before I sit down to start my novel, so there will be no midnight start for me.
I'm perfectly okay with that. But I know I said I'd write weekly updates on here. I like the idea of posting every Monday so here I am, even though it isn't technically November yet. Consistency is sometimes better than accuracy. I don't know if that applies to literally anything else is life but whatever.
I do have a few things to share that are NaNo-related. Here goes:
1. I cranked out an outline a few weekends ago but then last Thursday I scrapped the last six chapters. I redid them and am much happier with how the plot works in the new version.
2. After changing the ending chapters, I realized this story is too big for one book and so I guess this is me announcing that I'm planning to write a duology (that's the new-fangled (and by new-fangled, they didn't have it when I was in elementary school/junior high)) and you should stay tuned for revision complaints on top of revision complaints for Sky & Steel.
3. I have a title! I normally don't title a book until it's written because titles are the bane of my existence. Remember how Black & Gold was 'The Stupid Book' for months? Yeah. But on the NaNo website, you create a little profile for your novel. It includes a synopsis, a genre, a cover if you so choose...and a title. If you don't have a title, it just says Untitled and that is something I cannot stand (thanks to my amazing Advanced Poetry professor.) It took me most of an 8 mile run to come up with this one. This year's NaNo story is called All the World's a Stage.
4. Matt and I are going to WinCo tomorrow to snatch up some discount Halloween candy. My favorite are the chocolate eyeballs that are filled with either fudge, peanut butter, or caramel. Last year I got to eat one every time I wrote 1,667 words and this year I'm repeating that.
5. My homework for the month of November involves a lot of research for 3 final projects. I have one of those research papers due on November 18, which I am not thrilled about, but Thanksgiving break will buffer my word count.
6. My main character is named Jamie Cooper. She is 5'1" and is one of those frighteningly strong yogis. She is nineteen years old and attends a fictional college named Whitmore University in New Hampshire. She's a sophomore with her major undecided. She lives with her best friend, Gwen, in the dorms.
That's all for now. I'm back to wasting time waiting for it to be bed time so I can wake up tomorrow and write. It's like Christmas morning, but better.
Happy Halloween!
Saturday, October 22, 2016
The Prep Begins
I don't always write outlines. I didn't use on for Black & Gold, I wrote a general one for Throne & Fire, and I didn't use one at all for Sky & Steel. But I always try to have some kind of outline for NaNo. Because of the time constraint, I don't have the luxury of taking a few days off to figure out how to move the plot from a difficult scene. I have to keep moving or else I end up binge writing 4,000 words a day over Thanksgiving break.
This year, though, my NaNo prep has another feature to it. Not only do I have to outline my book, I have to plan how I am going to manage my time for the month of November so that I can hit my word count as well as keep on top of my many final projects and homework.
Here's an example of a week in November:
Notice how 'NaNo' is written in purple pen at the top of every day? Once I complete my word count for the given day, I check it off. Same goes for my psychology homework (in red), my philosophy homework (green) and my English homework (light blue.)
It's not the easiest thing in the world to be organized and I am fully aware that my already-nonexistent social life is going to take a serious dive but NaNo, and writing in general, is a priority to me and for one month, I am okay with letting it be my biggest priority (second only to school because I'm an Honors student, I'm a senior, and I'm graduating in May.)
I'm also planning on writing one blog post every week, as a kind of update for any of you who are interested. Plus, if I complain and obsess on here instead to Matt, he'll be very happy.
If you want to know more about NaNo or are interested in joining, here's the website: www.nanowrimo.org
Monday, October 17, 2016
In Defense of Fangirls
First, it's stupid how many of my blogs are inspired by Pinterest. Like, seriously. I have a problem and I need to stop.
Now that that's out of the way, for today's post/rant: FANGIRLS
For those of you who don't know, 'fangirl' is the term for young females who are obsessed with a book series, TV show, or movie franchise. They are mostly famous for fanfiction written on Tumblr and for coining terms such as 'ship' and 'canon' and 'OTP.' None of those terms are important for today's discussion but feel free to look them up.
Fangirls are often mocked for loving books and characters to the point the rest of the world considers absurdity. Often, they are also ridiculed for loving books not viewed as 'real' fiction. In some cases, the Internet Idiots actually make a slightly less dick-ish distinction and call the books 'genre fiction.'
I'm here to defend the fangirls and the books they love.
The entire mockery of fangirling (yes, it is actually a verb, I did not make that up. Ask the Internet) is predicated on the assumption that the books/characters they love are not worthy of their love because they are:
A) almost always fit the YA genre
B) cater to cliched tropes
C) are not literary fiction
D) poorly written
If I have left anything out, please let me know and I shall add my rebuttal to your argument.
Let's start with YA fiction.
Not all YA fiction is great but this is true of all writing genres, be it YA, children's, romance, nonfiction, historical, mystery, biography, even poetry. To dismiss an entire genre of literature simply because it was written with teenage characters is as ludicrous as it is stupid. If you specifically want to dismiss a certain YA novel, that's your prerogative as a human with an opinion but you do not get to summarily call hundreds of books bad based on something so arbitrary. If you have any doubt that YA is only read by teenagers, you need only ask around before you discover plenty of adults enjoy it, too.
Next up, cliched tropes.
Let me be clear: most people do not understand the difference between being cliche and invoking a trope. A medieval story, for example, that includes a princess locked in a tower, is invoking that specific trope. If the prince rescues her, that could be considered cliche. But if the princess is locked in the tower because she has a nasty habit of bursting into flame at random intervals, it is not cliche.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with using familiar tropes. You don't even have to invert every one you use. Some of them can just be familiar. If the author has done their job, the characters will be new and interesting enough the reader won't notice if not every trope in a story is original.
Literary fiction. *mimes vomiting*
Being a creative writing major in college, I am well-versed in the difference between literary and genre fiction. Literary fiction is the high-brow stuff you read in college. Genre fiction is Harry Potter, The Hunger Games, those sorts of books. If I have any fantasy fans out there, yes, this includes fantasy novels like Lord of the Rings and Name of the Wind. Literary fiction is seen as being better, especially in literary circles, and there is definite snobbery present when we discuss genre fiction in my fiction class.
But there's really nothing wrong with liking genre fiction. Writing genre fiction is just as difficult as writing literary fiction. Do you think Ernest Hemingway could have written Game of Thrones? Hell no. It's not that one is better or more difficult: they are just DIFFERENT. And there is nothing wrong with liking one more than the other. The thing that makes you a jackass is when you start making fun of someone else for liking the other one more. Seriously, just stop. Putting down genre fiction does not make literary fiction better and it does not make you "deep" that you like to read Claire Vaye Watkins instead of J.K. Rowling.
Which brings us to the last objection: that the books fangirls love are poorly written.
Really, this is the criticism at the heart of every other complaint regarding fangirls and the books they love. It's the one that makes me truly angry, too. And I'll tell you why.
If a book is really poorly written, no one would love it. Yeah. I said it. I wish it wasn't true because it means I have to make a serious concession to the validity of Fifty Shades of Grey but it is true. People love stories that make them feel and only a good writer can make people feel as deeply as fangirls do. End of story. I'm one and a half semesters away from getting my BA in English with a creative writing emphasis, I've been writing for twelve years, trust me: I know what I am talking about.
And before you say I'm only defending genre fiction because my story has dragons in it, let me be clear: I am perfectly capable of writing literary fiction. Ask my literary-fiction-loving-professor. I think there is value in writing and reading both. My argument is with those who dismiss one in favor of the other. Because that's just wrong.
So, fangirls and fanboys and fandoms of the world, I tip my hat to you and say I am glad you have found stories and characters to love.
Now that that's out of the way, for today's post/rant: FANGIRLS
For those of you who don't know, 'fangirl' is the term for young females who are obsessed with a book series, TV show, or movie franchise. They are mostly famous for fanfiction written on Tumblr and for coining terms such as 'ship' and 'canon' and 'OTP.' None of those terms are important for today's discussion but feel free to look them up.
Fangirls are often mocked for loving books and characters to the point the rest of the world considers absurdity. Often, they are also ridiculed for loving books not viewed as 'real' fiction. In some cases, the Internet Idiots actually make a slightly less dick-ish distinction and call the books 'genre fiction.'
I'm here to defend the fangirls and the books they love.
The entire mockery of fangirling (yes, it is actually a verb, I did not make that up. Ask the Internet) is predicated on the assumption that the books/characters they love are not worthy of their love because they are:
A) almost always fit the YA genre
B) cater to cliched tropes
C) are not literary fiction
D) poorly written
If I have left anything out, please let me know and I shall add my rebuttal to your argument.
Let's start with YA fiction.
Not all YA fiction is great but this is true of all writing genres, be it YA, children's, romance, nonfiction, historical, mystery, biography, even poetry. To dismiss an entire genre of literature simply because it was written with teenage characters is as ludicrous as it is stupid. If you specifically want to dismiss a certain YA novel, that's your prerogative as a human with an opinion but you do not get to summarily call hundreds of books bad based on something so arbitrary. If you have any doubt that YA is only read by teenagers, you need only ask around before you discover plenty of adults enjoy it, too.
Next up, cliched tropes.
Let me be clear: most people do not understand the difference between being cliche and invoking a trope. A medieval story, for example, that includes a princess locked in a tower, is invoking that specific trope. If the prince rescues her, that could be considered cliche. But if the princess is locked in the tower because she has a nasty habit of bursting into flame at random intervals, it is not cliche.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with using familiar tropes. You don't even have to invert every one you use. Some of them can just be familiar. If the author has done their job, the characters will be new and interesting enough the reader won't notice if not every trope in a story is original.
Literary fiction. *mimes vomiting*
Being a creative writing major in college, I am well-versed in the difference between literary and genre fiction. Literary fiction is the high-brow stuff you read in college. Genre fiction is Harry Potter, The Hunger Games, those sorts of books. If I have any fantasy fans out there, yes, this includes fantasy novels like Lord of the Rings and Name of the Wind. Literary fiction is seen as being better, especially in literary circles, and there is definite snobbery present when we discuss genre fiction in my fiction class.
But there's really nothing wrong with liking genre fiction. Writing genre fiction is just as difficult as writing literary fiction. Do you think Ernest Hemingway could have written Game of Thrones? Hell no. It's not that one is better or more difficult: they are just DIFFERENT. And there is nothing wrong with liking one more than the other. The thing that makes you a jackass is when you start making fun of someone else for liking the other one more. Seriously, just stop. Putting down genre fiction does not make literary fiction better and it does not make you "deep" that you like to read Claire Vaye Watkins instead of J.K. Rowling.
Which brings us to the last objection: that the books fangirls love are poorly written.
Really, this is the criticism at the heart of every other complaint regarding fangirls and the books they love. It's the one that makes me truly angry, too. And I'll tell you why.
If a book is really poorly written, no one would love it. Yeah. I said it. I wish it wasn't true because it means I have to make a serious concession to the validity of Fifty Shades of Grey but it is true. People love stories that make them feel and only a good writer can make people feel as deeply as fangirls do. End of story. I'm one and a half semesters away from getting my BA in English with a creative writing emphasis, I've been writing for twelve years, trust me: I know what I am talking about.
And before you say I'm only defending genre fiction because my story has dragons in it, let me be clear: I am perfectly capable of writing literary fiction. Ask my literary-fiction-loving-professor. I think there is value in writing and reading both. My argument is with those who dismiss one in favor of the other. Because that's just wrong.
So, fangirls and fanboys and fandoms of the world, I tip my hat to you and say I am glad you have found stories and characters to love.
Thursday, October 13, 2016
Sometimes, It's Not That Important
Hello, friends.
This week has not been a good writing week. That happens. This week, I had to prioritize studying for midterms and being a successful college student.
Have you ever heard the saying "If it's important enough to you, you'll do it no matter what."? (no clue how to accurately punctuate that sentence.)
I certainly have and am guilty of saying a similar variation. Mine comes more along the lines of, "If you want it bad enough, you'll do it."
I am a firm believer in drive and determination and persistence. I believe in making time for the things you love. Writing is one of those things. If I could only have one passion the rest of my life, it would be writing.
That being said, sometimes- sometimes life is more important. This week is a prime example.
No, I didn't get any revision done this week. The only writing I actually did was for my Sensation and Perception midterm. Have I failed at being a writer because I had to say, Right now, school and grades are more important, and leave the Word document closed?
Hell no.
Everything has its time and even the things we love, we sometimes have to put aside. It's okay. It doesn't mean we don't love it or it isn't important to us.
Give yourself permission to prioritize different things at different times. Sometimes, the most important thing for you to do isn't even writing, working on a project, schoolwork, or exercising. Sometimes, it's sitting down with a hot cup of coffee (or tea or hot chocolate) and enjoying time dedicated solely to relaxing.
That being said, November is fast approaching and in spite of the fact that I have three (count them, 3) big final projects (2 of which are for senior capstone style classes) due in December, I am absolutely going to make NaNo a priority.
Why?
Aside from my usual reasons, I don't know if law school will allow me the time to do it for the next three years and I want to make the most of my last chance.
More on that coming soon (it's only October 13, I've got time) but for tonight (or today, depending on when you're reading this), I hereby give you permission to do one thing just because you want to.
This week has not been a good writing week. That happens. This week, I had to prioritize studying for midterms and being a successful college student.
Have you ever heard the saying "If it's important enough to you, you'll do it no matter what."? (no clue how to accurately punctuate that sentence.)
I certainly have and am guilty of saying a similar variation. Mine comes more along the lines of, "If you want it bad enough, you'll do it."
I am a firm believer in drive and determination and persistence. I believe in making time for the things you love. Writing is one of those things. If I could only have one passion the rest of my life, it would be writing.
That being said, sometimes- sometimes life is more important. This week is a prime example.
No, I didn't get any revision done this week. The only writing I actually did was for my Sensation and Perception midterm. Have I failed at being a writer because I had to say, Right now, school and grades are more important, and leave the Word document closed?
Hell no.
Everything has its time and even the things we love, we sometimes have to put aside. It's okay. It doesn't mean we don't love it or it isn't important to us.
Give yourself permission to prioritize different things at different times. Sometimes, the most important thing for you to do isn't even writing, working on a project, schoolwork, or exercising. Sometimes, it's sitting down with a hot cup of coffee (or tea or hot chocolate) and enjoying time dedicated solely to relaxing.
That being said, November is fast approaching and in spite of the fact that I have three (count them, 3) big final projects (2 of which are for senior capstone style classes) due in December, I am absolutely going to make NaNo a priority.
Why?
Aside from my usual reasons, I don't know if law school will allow me the time to do it for the next three years and I want to make the most of my last chance.
More on that coming soon (it's only October 13, I've got time) but for tonight (or today, depending on when you're reading this), I hereby give you permission to do one thing just because you want to.
Saturday, October 1, 2016
Sometimes I Suck
Just so you all know, sometimes I suck as a writer.
I don't sit for hours working on my book or my story or whatever. Some days I make it through one sentence and then get on the Internet to look at Pinterest.
Some days I make it through less than a sentence and get distracted by my cat or food or something shiny.
Some days the farthest I get is opening the Word document.
Other days, I don't even get that far.
In summary, sometimes, I suck at being a writer.
I don't like it. I grumble and whine and spend the whole time thinking I can't wait to be done because then I can go do the things I really want to do.
When I have free time, I don't always want to write and then I feel guilty about it but I still don't do it because for whatever reason, on that day, writing just isn't fun.
This has been a whole week of me sucking at writing. Specifically, me sucking at revising. I am just so tired of going through this damn book. I'm smack dab in the middle of the stupid thing, which isn't helping, because I happen to like how the middle works, and I don't want to change it.
But I also just really don't want to write.
I want to go for long runs and watch TV and read an absurd number of blogs on running and working out. I want to read a book for fun (I can't, but that's because of school) and I want to do yoga and go to bed early because being a senior is fucking exhausting.
I. Do. Not. Want. To. Write.
I still do it, because I am not going to squander my last year of undergrad and relative freedom not at least trying, but I don't want to do it. It's boring. It isn't fun.
My point, aside from venting my frustration, is that it's okay not to want to do something that you love. It's also okay to actually not do it for a little while. Seriously. Give yourself permission to not do something if that's what you want. The world will not implode. You might want to do it again in a few days, a few weeks, even a month. Or you might not want to do it ever again. That is okay.
So today, I am studying for my first midterm. I'm going to my last-ever homecoming football game. I am going to watch the new episode of This is Us. I am going to cuddle my cat. And I am not going to write and everything will be okay.
I don't sit for hours working on my book or my story or whatever. Some days I make it through one sentence and then get on the Internet to look at Pinterest.
Some days I make it through less than a sentence and get distracted by my cat or food or something shiny.
Some days the farthest I get is opening the Word document.
Other days, I don't even get that far.
In summary, sometimes, I suck at being a writer.
I don't like it. I grumble and whine and spend the whole time thinking I can't wait to be done because then I can go do the things I really want to do.
When I have free time, I don't always want to write and then I feel guilty about it but I still don't do it because for whatever reason, on that day, writing just isn't fun.
This has been a whole week of me sucking at writing. Specifically, me sucking at revising. I am just so tired of going through this damn book. I'm smack dab in the middle of the stupid thing, which isn't helping, because I happen to like how the middle works, and I don't want to change it.
But I also just really don't want to write.
I want to go for long runs and watch TV and read an absurd number of blogs on running and working out. I want to read a book for fun (I can't, but that's because of school) and I want to do yoga and go to bed early because being a senior is fucking exhausting.
I. Do. Not. Want. To. Write.
I still do it, because I am not going to squander my last year of undergrad and relative freedom not at least trying, but I don't want to do it. It's boring. It isn't fun.
My point, aside from venting my frustration, is that it's okay not to want to do something that you love. It's also okay to actually not do it for a little while. Seriously. Give yourself permission to not do something if that's what you want. The world will not implode. You might want to do it again in a few days, a few weeks, even a month. Or you might not want to do it ever again. That is okay.
So today, I am studying for my first midterm. I'm going to my last-ever homecoming football game. I am going to watch the new episode of This is Us. I am going to cuddle my cat. And I am not going to write and everything will be okay.
Monday, September 26, 2016
Monday Musings
Before I launch into my thoughts today, I think I should explain a key difference that is to be very obvious because it is relevant to my life. It is not, however, what I would consider common knowledge.
In college, if you get a major in creative writing and are in a fiction writing class, you don't write novels. First, there's not really enough time (I mean, according to professors. As we NaNo veterans know, that's bullshit) and second, a very small percentage of people in fiction writing classes are capable of finishing a full length novel. (I plan on writing a post about why that's true at a later date.)
So instead, you write short stories, which basically pushes you right smack into what is called literary fiction. Literary fiction is the difficult to read, not a good beach read, sort of stuff. Think Hemingway's short stories. That's not to say literary fiction is unpopular because I'd call Anthony Doerr's All the Light We Cannot See literary fiction and it's obviously very popular. But literary fiction aligns more with poetry when it comes to attention to language and the conflict/drama is downsized considerably.
Basically, the fiction I write for my advanced fiction class, is the exact opposite of my novel(s). Which brings me to today's episode of writing thoughts, specifically about my first short story which is due on Thursday.
It's almost done, so that's good. I mean, the first draft is almost done. Hopefully there will be one revision before I turn it in for workshop.
It's been a really long time since I wrote with a first person narrator (or, in narratology terms, an extradiegetic, autodiegetic narrator) and it's proving...let's say interesting instead of difficult.
Writing a character who's a little bit of a bitch is a lot of fun but not as easy as I thought. Maybe that means I'm not as mean as I think I am? *she wondered hopefully*
Besides when I write in the morning with my coffee, the time inspiration is most likely to strike is twenty minutes before I plan on going to bed.
And last, but not least, my neck still hurts from hunching over the LSAT on Saturday and I am not thrilled.
In college, if you get a major in creative writing and are in a fiction writing class, you don't write novels. First, there's not really enough time (I mean, according to professors. As we NaNo veterans know, that's bullshit) and second, a very small percentage of people in fiction writing classes are capable of finishing a full length novel. (I plan on writing a post about why that's true at a later date.)
So instead, you write short stories, which basically pushes you right smack into what is called literary fiction. Literary fiction is the difficult to read, not a good beach read, sort of stuff. Think Hemingway's short stories. That's not to say literary fiction is unpopular because I'd call Anthony Doerr's All the Light We Cannot See literary fiction and it's obviously very popular. But literary fiction aligns more with poetry when it comes to attention to language and the conflict/drama is downsized considerably.
Basically, the fiction I write for my advanced fiction class, is the exact opposite of my novel(s). Which brings me to today's episode of writing thoughts, specifically about my first short story which is due on Thursday.
It's almost done, so that's good. I mean, the first draft is almost done. Hopefully there will be one revision before I turn it in for workshop.
It's been a really long time since I wrote with a first person narrator (or, in narratology terms, an extradiegetic, autodiegetic narrator) and it's proving...let's say interesting instead of difficult.
Writing a character who's a little bit of a bitch is a lot of fun but not as easy as I thought. Maybe that means I'm not as mean as I think I am? *she wondered hopefully*
Besides when I write in the morning with my coffee, the time inspiration is most likely to strike is twenty minutes before I plan on going to bed.
And last, but not least, my neck still hurts from hunching over the LSAT on Saturday and I am not thrilled.
Monday, September 19, 2016
Some Random Updates/Future Plans
Hello there and welcome back!
I'm afraid I don't have a lot of writing related news for you today. Revising has taken a back seat to studying for the LSAT (which I take in T-minus 5 days) and getting settled in to a new semester. I keep catching myself thinking it's my last fall semester but that's not true, because law school.
But I seriously adore fall. I think it's probably my favorite unless winter behaves itself and snows a few inches regularly and stays cold enough to justify boots-hats-scarves-and oodles of coffee. It always motivates me to get my butt in gear. So I'm predicting after the LSAT, I'm going to get a lot of work done on Black & Gold. Which is good, because then it will be November and you all know what that means.
NANO WRIMO!!!!
Or, for those of you who don't, National Novel Writing Month.
See what I did there? Yeah, I'm very helpful. Once it gets closer I'll write out the correct phonetic pronunciation.
After NaNo, I think I will do a quick revision of Throne & Fire before I dive into a real revision of Sky & Steel. I'm hoping I can give it to those who are all caught up by spring break-ish but that's probably overly optimistic of me.
And of course I will resume querying once I have a shiny new draft of Black & Gold all pretty and mature.
I'm thinking I might try to branch out with my blog posts. Is that something you all think I should do? If so, what sort of posts would you like to see? Coffee reviews? Book recommendations? Advice for LSAT prep? Haha, kidding. I don't know what I'm doing. Running? Food?
In closing, happy Monday! You got this.
I'm afraid I don't have a lot of writing related news for you today. Revising has taken a back seat to studying for the LSAT (which I take in T-minus 5 days) and getting settled in to a new semester. I keep catching myself thinking it's my last fall semester but that's not true, because law school.
But I seriously adore fall. I think it's probably my favorite unless winter behaves itself and snows a few inches regularly and stays cold enough to justify boots-hats-scarves-and oodles of coffee. It always motivates me to get my butt in gear. So I'm predicting after the LSAT, I'm going to get a lot of work done on Black & Gold. Which is good, because then it will be November and you all know what that means.
NANO WRIMO!!!!
Or, for those of you who don't, National Novel Writing Month.
See what I did there? Yeah, I'm very helpful. Once it gets closer I'll write out the correct phonetic pronunciation.
After NaNo, I think I will do a quick revision of Throne & Fire before I dive into a real revision of Sky & Steel. I'm hoping I can give it to those who are all caught up by spring break-ish but that's probably overly optimistic of me.
And of course I will resume querying once I have a shiny new draft of Black & Gold all pretty and mature.
I'm thinking I might try to branch out with my blog posts. Is that something you all think I should do? If so, what sort of posts would you like to see? Coffee reviews? Book recommendations? Advice for LSAT prep? Haha, kidding. I don't know what I'm doing. Running? Food?
In closing, happy Monday! You got this.
Wednesday, August 24, 2016
Senior Year Thoughts
Hello there. It's been a while, hasn't it?
I've moved (again) and started my senior year of college. My Facebook feed is full of people posting "Last first day of school" pictures and I'm over here like, "Yeah, definitely going to go to school for another three years so this is not as monumental as it should be."
The boyfriend and I have a cat. His name is Obi (short for Oberon, as in A Midsummer Night's Dream and not the Jedi) and he purrs a lot.
Much to my best friend's disappointment, I am not currently working on the third book. I am waist deep in the shit that must be fixed in B&G before I can resume querying and quickly realizing that this semester might very well make that impossible.
Me being me, this only makes me more determined to be a time management Olympian and find a way to get good grades, go to class, workout consistently, hang out with my friends, pet my cat, drink copious amounts of coffee, spend time with the boyfriend, eat, sleep, and work on a book.
I know I exaggerated that list a bit but really, you should see the reading I have this semester. Yikes.
I can do it because I learned way back when I was in high school how to manage time like a boss (which I use ironically and not at all because I am too tired to think of something less cliche) but the result of it is that I end each day utterly and mentally exhausted.
I think it's important to make a plan now, before life spirals out of control in the most maddening ways possible, for how you are going to keep doing the things you love. For me, that's writing and I do not want to sacrifice it. Not this year.
Because while this was not my last first week of school, in some ways it is. Law school is a whole new kind of monster, one that I suspect will not leave much time for revising a book. I will not have the same time I have now again for a long, long time. So I plan to use every bit of it as much as I can.
I suggest you do the same because once we enter the mystical 'real world' we will not have the luxury of sleeping past 6:00 a.m. and we will be forced to go to be by 10:00ish every night, only five hours after we finish working.
You better learn how to fit in the things you love now, because it's only going to get harder. Habits are harder to make than they are to break so make them now. Without rhyming, if at all possible.
I've moved (again) and started my senior year of college. My Facebook feed is full of people posting "Last first day of school" pictures and I'm over here like, "Yeah, definitely going to go to school for another three years so this is not as monumental as it should be."
The boyfriend and I have a cat. His name is Obi (short for Oberon, as in A Midsummer Night's Dream and not the Jedi) and he purrs a lot.
Much to my best friend's disappointment, I am not currently working on the third book. I am waist deep in the shit that must be fixed in B&G before I can resume querying and quickly realizing that this semester might very well make that impossible.
Me being me, this only makes me more determined to be a time management Olympian and find a way to get good grades, go to class, workout consistently, hang out with my friends, pet my cat, drink copious amounts of coffee, spend time with the boyfriend, eat, sleep, and work on a book.
I know I exaggerated that list a bit but really, you should see the reading I have this semester. Yikes.
I can do it because I learned way back when I was in high school how to manage time like a boss (which I use ironically and not at all because I am too tired to think of something less cliche) but the result of it is that I end each day utterly and mentally exhausted.
I think it's important to make a plan now, before life spirals out of control in the most maddening ways possible, for how you are going to keep doing the things you love. For me, that's writing and I do not want to sacrifice it. Not this year.
Because while this was not my last first week of school, in some ways it is. Law school is a whole new kind of monster, one that I suspect will not leave much time for revising a book. I will not have the same time I have now again for a long, long time. So I plan to use every bit of it as much as I can.
I suggest you do the same because once we enter the mystical 'real world' we will not have the luxury of sleeping past 6:00 a.m. and we will be forced to go to be by 10:00ish every night, only five hours after we finish working.
You better learn how to fit in the things you love now, because it's only going to get harder. Habits are harder to make than they are to break so make them now. Without rhyming, if at all possible.
Thursday, July 28, 2016
Criticism!!!!!
For those of you who don't know, my dad got an English degree before he went to law school and he had a book published before I was born. (It's called The Garcia File if any of you are curious.) He's a pretty good writer. And he's a very good editor.
When I showed him the first novel-length story I finished (when I was twelve) he covered that first page in red ink and said when he was done, that page would turn into six pages.
Being a twelve year old, I was not prepared for that much criticism. It's not that the story wasn't deserving of criticism but budding/aspiring writers need encouragement in the beginning more than criticism.
Gradually, that shifts to more criticism, less encouragement. (Side note: I mean HELPFUL criticism. Not just criticism to be mean.)
Now, you might be wondering why, if my dad is such a good editor, he has only now finished a book I finished two years ago.
Well, there are two reasons.
Number one, my dad proved completely incapable of finishing any story I gave him. I blame this almost entirely on his golf addiction when I was in high school.
Two, he remembered how twelve-year-old me reacted to criticism and so didn't think I wanted him to read my book.
But I want criticism. I want someone to help me figure out how to make it better because I want this book published. I want to walk into a book store and see it on the shelves next to the books written by my favorite authors. To get there, I need someone to tell me where my writing is just plain bad.
Which, of course, my dad is more than happy to do.
And I am so grateful. He gave me a few very specific things to work on (and he's absolutely right about what I need to work on) but in addition to that, he told me something I didn't expect.
He said that parts of it were really well written and well done.
*cue wide eyed gaping in shock*
My dad is not someone who gives out compliments lightly and YA fantasy where the two main characters are teenage girls is not my dad's favorite genre. But he liked it!
He. Liked. It.
Well, parts of it, but let's not get caught up in the details. And the parts he think need the most work are the same parts that make me want to binge watch all of the Disney movies to avoid them.
Meaning, yes they definitely need work.
So, I have a brand new opening scene for the first book (which may revert to being untitled because we both agree Black & Gold might not be the best title but we'll see because titles are the bane of my existence.) I showed it to my dad and, being my dad and not my mom, he told me that it was better but it still needs to be distilled.
And me, being me and not my father, told him that I was, of course, shocked to learn that my first attempt at a scene did NOT produce pure gold worthy of Hemingway (Dad's hero, not mine. That man was an arrogant prick.) I was also being sarcastic, if you couldn't get that.
But I'll take it. Opening lines are incredibly difficult and if I've made it even three steps in the right direction, I'm excited. You only get one opening line so if I'm going to obsess about a single sentence, it should be that one.
Well, that one, and the closing line of Sky & Steel (which is a title I do like and will not change because god-dammit, I know that's the title I want!)
Since I've now used two exclamation points, I'm going to wrap this up and go back to obsessing about how to redo Elana's introduction scene.
Woohoo!
Okay. Stopping now. I mean it. Not going on the Internet to look at clothes.
When I showed him the first novel-length story I finished (when I was twelve) he covered that first page in red ink and said when he was done, that page would turn into six pages.
Being a twelve year old, I was not prepared for that much criticism. It's not that the story wasn't deserving of criticism but budding/aspiring writers need encouragement in the beginning more than criticism.
Gradually, that shifts to more criticism, less encouragement. (Side note: I mean HELPFUL criticism. Not just criticism to be mean.)
Now, you might be wondering why, if my dad is such a good editor, he has only now finished a book I finished two years ago.
Well, there are two reasons.
Number one, my dad proved completely incapable of finishing any story I gave him. I blame this almost entirely on his golf addiction when I was in high school.
Two, he remembered how twelve-year-old me reacted to criticism and so didn't think I wanted him to read my book.
But I want criticism. I want someone to help me figure out how to make it better because I want this book published. I want to walk into a book store and see it on the shelves next to the books written by my favorite authors. To get there, I need someone to tell me where my writing is just plain bad.
Which, of course, my dad is more than happy to do.
And I am so grateful. He gave me a few very specific things to work on (and he's absolutely right about what I need to work on) but in addition to that, he told me something I didn't expect.
He said that parts of it were really well written and well done.
*cue wide eyed gaping in shock*
My dad is not someone who gives out compliments lightly and YA fantasy where the two main characters are teenage girls is not my dad's favorite genre. But he liked it!
He. Liked. It.
Well, parts of it, but let's not get caught up in the details. And the parts he think need the most work are the same parts that make me want to binge watch all of the Disney movies to avoid them.
Meaning, yes they definitely need work.
So, I have a brand new opening scene for the first book (which may revert to being untitled because we both agree Black & Gold might not be the best title but we'll see because titles are the bane of my existence.) I showed it to my dad and, being my dad and not my mom, he told me that it was better but it still needs to be distilled.
And me, being me and not my father, told him that I was, of course, shocked to learn that my first attempt at a scene did NOT produce pure gold worthy of Hemingway (Dad's hero, not mine. That man was an arrogant prick.) I was also being sarcastic, if you couldn't get that.
But I'll take it. Opening lines are incredibly difficult and if I've made it even three steps in the right direction, I'm excited. You only get one opening line so if I'm going to obsess about a single sentence, it should be that one.
Well, that one, and the closing line of Sky & Steel (which is a title I do like and will not change because god-dammit, I know that's the title I want!)
Since I've now used two exclamation points, I'm going to wrap this up and go back to obsessing about how to redo Elana's introduction scene.
Woohoo!
Okay. Stopping now. I mean it. Not going on the Internet to look at clothes.
Tuesday, July 19, 2016
Sensitive Topics
This is a sensitive topic but I am going to try to limit my opinions to explanations as to why I made certain choices in my story. That being said, I am entitled to my opinion just like you are entitled to yours. If you want to have a discussion about the differences, fine. If you broach the topic in any way that is not respectful, that discussion will never happen.
I want to talk about gender in stories.
Both my main characters are young women. They came into existence in my head being young women but that doesn't mean I did not choose to keep them that way. I did. I wanted them to be women. I wanted them to be smart and capable and determined but I also wanted them to be a little naive, a little uncertain and more than a little flawed. I wanted them to have meaningful relationships with their friends, their family, and their love interests.
I wanted them to be characters that 14 and 15 year old girls could read and think, I want to be like them. Not because they were pretty or because they had the perfect relationship with some over-idealized person. Because they were smart but they worked hard at learning new things, they learned from their mistakes and learned about who they are.
That was the story I searched for when I was that age. I wanted a story that yes, had romance in it, but the lead character had interests outside of it and the overarching plot dealt with much more complicated issues. I wanted characters who were smart but were shown to work at learning. I wanted them to be imperfect.
Now that I'm in my twenties, I also wanted at least one of them to be confident in who she is most of the time but to also show her uncertainty because I think that is so incredibly important to let teenage girls know and also because it is authentic. Confidence in women is something to admired and applauded, not mocked or put down--even by other women.
I also wanted the female characters to get along and lift each other up because every day I see women tear each other down, as if one woman's confidence or success somehow diminished another woman. We do it with each other's make up choices, fashion choices, lifestyle choices, parenting choices, career choices, education choices, hobby choices, and the list goes on.
I might be just an unpublished writer but one day, I will have a book published and do not ever doubt the power stories have. When that happens, I want that 15 year old girl who's worried about everything, just like I was, to read my book and think,
I want to be like her.
I want to talk about gender in stories.
Both my main characters are young women. They came into existence in my head being young women but that doesn't mean I did not choose to keep them that way. I did. I wanted them to be women. I wanted them to be smart and capable and determined but I also wanted them to be a little naive, a little uncertain and more than a little flawed. I wanted them to have meaningful relationships with their friends, their family, and their love interests.
I wanted them to be characters that 14 and 15 year old girls could read and think, I want to be like them. Not because they were pretty or because they had the perfect relationship with some over-idealized person. Because they were smart but they worked hard at learning new things, they learned from their mistakes and learned about who they are.
That was the story I searched for when I was that age. I wanted a story that yes, had romance in it, but the lead character had interests outside of it and the overarching plot dealt with much more complicated issues. I wanted characters who were smart but were shown to work at learning. I wanted them to be imperfect.
Now that I'm in my twenties, I also wanted at least one of them to be confident in who she is most of the time but to also show her uncertainty because I think that is so incredibly important to let teenage girls know and also because it is authentic. Confidence in women is something to admired and applauded, not mocked or put down--even by other women.
I also wanted the female characters to get along and lift each other up because every day I see women tear each other down, as if one woman's confidence or success somehow diminished another woman. We do it with each other's make up choices, fashion choices, lifestyle choices, parenting choices, career choices, education choices, hobby choices, and the list goes on.
I might be just an unpublished writer but one day, I will have a book published and do not ever doubt the power stories have. When that happens, I want that 15 year old girl who's worried about everything, just like I was, to read my book and think,
I want to be like her.
Tuesday, July 12, 2016
What You Know
Today I was reading Marissa Meyer's blog (she wrote The Lunar Chronicles which are fabulous YA sci-fi novels if you didn't know) and I came across a post where she explained why she disagrees with certain pieces of writer advice that writing instructors hold dear. Specifically, she mentioned what is perhaps the most dangerous piece of advice that I have heard many, many times:
"Write what you know."
I say dangerous not because it will ruin your writing but because the implication is that you are only qualified to write stories about what you know from personal experience.
Which, in my humble unpublished opinion (and it's worth pointing out most of my writing instructors are not best-selling authors like Marissa Meyer, though I do love most of their other advice), complete bullshit.
I don't know what it's like to be an orphan (like Elian) because I have both my parents. I don't know what it's like to have a difficult relationship with my mother (like Elana) because my mom and I get along wonderfully well. I definitely don't know what it's like to be a ruler or even to be obeyed without question in anything. And I have no fucking clue what it's like to be able to fly.
So clearly my novels are just no good because I didn't write what I know.
Like I said, bullshit.
I can imagine. Imagine is something we are discouraged to do after we reach a certain age, especially in school. We stop playing make believe. We deal with facts, things that can be broken down into testable questions with one right answer and we forget.
Only that doesn't work. All of you are capable of losing yourself in something that doesn't exist, be it a movie, a video game, or a book. You don't have all the details but you can imagine it and it is as easy as breathing.
I can imagine. I can imagine whole worlds and people and places and times that never were and never will be. I don't know it all from personal experience. I write it to explore the question What if...? and I don't stop until I've found my way to the end of the answer.
Besides, if I only wrote what I knew from my personal experience, I would only write stories about nerdy girls who spent more time reading than watching TV when they were kids and how they spent almost every Friday night writing in high school.
Bullshit. I can write so much more than that.
I understand many of you have no interest in becoming writers, so feel free to stop here.
Fellow writers, you don't have to listen to everything the All-Mighty Instructors say. Sometimes what they say works and sometimes it doesn't. You learn to tell the difference by trying and failing and trying and failing some more.
Write with unbridled love. Write with compassion and determination. Write because you have a story to tell. Write the story you know, in your heart, because your heart will keep going when your mind gives up.
"Write what you know."
I say dangerous not because it will ruin your writing but because the implication is that you are only qualified to write stories about what you know from personal experience.
Which, in my humble unpublished opinion (and it's worth pointing out most of my writing instructors are not best-selling authors like Marissa Meyer, though I do love most of their other advice), complete bullshit.
I don't know what it's like to be an orphan (like Elian) because I have both my parents. I don't know what it's like to have a difficult relationship with my mother (like Elana) because my mom and I get along wonderfully well. I definitely don't know what it's like to be a ruler or even to be obeyed without question in anything. And I have no fucking clue what it's like to be able to fly.
So clearly my novels are just no good because I didn't write what I know.
Like I said, bullshit.
I can imagine. Imagine is something we are discouraged to do after we reach a certain age, especially in school. We stop playing make believe. We deal with facts, things that can be broken down into testable questions with one right answer and we forget.
Only that doesn't work. All of you are capable of losing yourself in something that doesn't exist, be it a movie, a video game, or a book. You don't have all the details but you can imagine it and it is as easy as breathing.
I can imagine. I can imagine whole worlds and people and places and times that never were and never will be. I don't know it all from personal experience. I write it to explore the question What if...? and I don't stop until I've found my way to the end of the answer.
Besides, if I only wrote what I knew from my personal experience, I would only write stories about nerdy girls who spent more time reading than watching TV when they were kids and how they spent almost every Friday night writing in high school.
Bullshit. I can write so much more than that.
I understand many of you have no interest in becoming writers, so feel free to stop here.
Fellow writers, you don't have to listen to everything the All-Mighty Instructors say. Sometimes what they say works and sometimes it doesn't. You learn to tell the difference by trying and failing and trying and failing some more.
Write with unbridled love. Write with compassion and determination. Write because you have a story to tell. Write the story you know, in your heart, because your heart will keep going when your mind gives up.
Friday, July 8, 2016
The End
Endings are the hardest.
First of all, getting to the ending can prove damn difficult. Most writers have no problems writing a beginning, some even manage a middle, but only the really determined writers get to the end.
Obviously, I got to the end.
There are, of course, different kinds of endings. There's the ending to the first book in a trilogy, which has some resolution but leaves the story open. There's the ending to the second book, which more often than not suffers from being the connective story and thus lacks resolution and often has a cliffhanger.
Then there's the real ending. The last scene, the last line, the last page.
That's the ending I got to last night.
I thought I would cry but I didn't. I no longer have the dream of writing these characters, the dream of getting to the end. I've known from the very beginning how I would end it. The details were murky, but the general idea has never changed. So I have dreamed about it for three summers and now it is over.
But I feel strangely calm. Maybe it's just shock and tomorrow I'll wake up utterly heartbroken but I think it's more than that. I think I did justice to my characters and my story. I think because of that, my writer's heart is at peace.
Part of it too is that I know this isn't the real end, not for me as the writer. I still have revision to look forward to. First I will take a few weeks or a month off, to let the story settle and to get some distance.
I will also resume querying for the first book because I have slacked hard on that front and there is no longer an excuse. I have a whole other post in mind about my thoughts on the value of querying, but that is for another day.
First of all, getting to the ending can prove damn difficult. Most writers have no problems writing a beginning, some even manage a middle, but only the really determined writers get to the end.
Obviously, I got to the end.
There are, of course, different kinds of endings. There's the ending to the first book in a trilogy, which has some resolution but leaves the story open. There's the ending to the second book, which more often than not suffers from being the connective story and thus lacks resolution and often has a cliffhanger.
Then there's the real ending. The last scene, the last line, the last page.
That's the ending I got to last night.
I thought I would cry but I didn't. I no longer have the dream of writing these characters, the dream of getting to the end. I've known from the very beginning how I would end it. The details were murky, but the general idea has never changed. So I have dreamed about it for three summers and now it is over.
But I feel strangely calm. Maybe it's just shock and tomorrow I'll wake up utterly heartbroken but I think it's more than that. I think I did justice to my characters and my story. I think because of that, my writer's heart is at peace.
Part of it too is that I know this isn't the real end, not for me as the writer. I still have revision to look forward to. First I will take a few weeks or a month off, to let the story settle and to get some distance.
I will also resume querying for the first book because I have slacked hard on that front and there is no longer an excuse. I have a whole other post in mind about my thoughts on the value of querying, but that is for another day.
Tuesday, July 5, 2016
How Do I Begin
For those of you who weren't around way back when I first wrote Black & Gold, I thought I would share with you how I came up with the idea.
I feel like that's a question people want to ask me. Where do you get your ideas? How did you pick such a good one?
Well, first, I picked a lot of really bad ideas. Like, a lot. I don't think saying I picked a thousand bad ideas is hyperbole. As in, an actual 1,000. I'm not kidding. And 98% of those ideas were absolute shit.
I know. I still have them on my computer. On days when I really need to feel good about myself, I open up something I wrote in 7th/8th/9th grade and revel at how far I've come.
But yeah, I had a lot of bad ideas. I could say I knew from the beginning that this story was going to turn into this massive saga. But I'd be lying through my teeth.
The simple answer is that every summer while I was in high school, I wrote a book in a series (that shall never see the light of day) that ended the summer before my freshman year of college. So I wanted a new story to write the summer after freshman year. This was right after I started watching Game of Thrones and I thought to myself, Why don't I write a non-cliched story with dragons in it? Then I wrote to explore the characters I came up with and three months later, I had a book.
The truth is that it's a little more complicated than that. Because I realized a few months later that this wasn't the first time I'd told Elian's story. When I was in seventh grade, I wrote a 40,000 word story about a girl who could turn into a *black* dragon. And my favorite movie when I was very young was Sleeping Beauty which features a witch who can turn into a--wait for it--black dragon.
So the seeds of the story were sown long before I watched Game of Thrones.
What about Elana then? She's the medieval love story I've tried to write for years and with her, I think I got it right. If I had to guess, I'd say I've tried to write her story four times.
Complicated? Yes. But it makes sense. I kept writing these different characters or bits of this story until it finally came together in a way that made sense, in a way that works as a whole instead of just pieces.
I don't know what my next idea will be after this. I have a few floating around but it's too early for me to give them serious thought. I'm still in this world, with these characters, and I'm not ready to leave yet.
I feel like that's a question people want to ask me. Where do you get your ideas? How did you pick such a good one?
Well, first, I picked a lot of really bad ideas. Like, a lot. I don't think saying I picked a thousand bad ideas is hyperbole. As in, an actual 1,000. I'm not kidding. And 98% of those ideas were absolute shit.
I know. I still have them on my computer. On days when I really need to feel good about myself, I open up something I wrote in 7th/8th/9th grade and revel at how far I've come.
But yeah, I had a lot of bad ideas. I could say I knew from the beginning that this story was going to turn into this massive saga. But I'd be lying through my teeth.
The simple answer is that every summer while I was in high school, I wrote a book in a series (that shall never see the light of day) that ended the summer before my freshman year of college. So I wanted a new story to write the summer after freshman year. This was right after I started watching Game of Thrones and I thought to myself, Why don't I write a non-cliched story with dragons in it? Then I wrote to explore the characters I came up with and three months later, I had a book.
The truth is that it's a little more complicated than that. Because I realized a few months later that this wasn't the first time I'd told Elian's story. When I was in seventh grade, I wrote a 40,000 word story about a girl who could turn into a *black* dragon. And my favorite movie when I was very young was Sleeping Beauty which features a witch who can turn into a--wait for it--black dragon.
So the seeds of the story were sown long before I watched Game of Thrones.
What about Elana then? She's the medieval love story I've tried to write for years and with her, I think I got it right. If I had to guess, I'd say I've tried to write her story four times.
Complicated? Yes. But it makes sense. I kept writing these different characters or bits of this story until it finally came together in a way that made sense, in a way that works as a whole instead of just pieces.
I don't know what my next idea will be after this. I have a few floating around but it's too early for me to give them serious thought. I'm still in this world, with these characters, and I'm not ready to leave yet.
Monday, June 27, 2016
Halfway There (Probably)
I am officially halfway done with book #3!
Well, I am probably halfway done. I have 56,000 words and the longest thing I've ever written was Black & Gold. The first draft of that was 84,000, the current draft sits at 102,000. So yeah, I better be halfway done with this one.
It's an interesting feeling. On one hand, I'm absolutely ecstatic because I've had so much fun writing it and I've been writing it since the middle of May, so I have actually been writing it for quite a while.
To be fair, I think anything past 30 days is a long time to be writing the same thing. Thanks for that, NaNo.
So yeah, I'm really excited about it. Until I think about how much I still have left in the story. Then my metaphoric self starts hyperventilating. Because how the hell can I finish this book when I have so much going on the rest of the summer? And then oh god, what if I don't finish it before school starts again? What if what if what if?
Then the truly cruel reality hits: I am halfway done with the last book in this trilogy. I will be writing the ending I've dreamed about for two years in a matter of weeks. I will be writing the end (and yes, there are quite a few character deaths in this book, so that will be heart-wrenching) and then it will be over.
Except not really, because revision, but it will be done. There's only one first time for writing this book, for writing with sheer unadulterated joy.
All that being said, the writing itself doesn't seem terrible. This time last year, when I was writing Throne & Fire, I knew it was mostly bad and it was going to require a lot of work. I knew I was going to be adding a ton of scenes.
This go round, I have the opposite problem. I think I might be cutting some stuff. I will still need to add certain things in. These will be the subtle character things that carry throughout the book and are a pain the frickin ass so I ignore them during the first draft. Why? Snotty writer answer: Because you have to get the bones of the plot down first and then you can deal with the more nuanced character moments.
Real answer: Because sometimes that shit just isn't fun.
Then of course there's the challenge I've never faced before, which is not pulling a Shakespeare. Characters are going to die and most of them are going to die at the end, simply because of the structure of the story. I have to figure out how to make the important deaths memorable and meaningful. I have to figure out exactly how many bodies I can throw on the pyre before I cross over into Hamlet/King Lear/Romeo and Juliet territory.
Oh, and I have to figure out what the actual, words-on-the-very-last-page should be.
But hey, I get to write some scenes where my characters have come to the end of their character arcs, which means they have evolved and changed and questioned themselves and now they get to be badass. Without giving too much away, I also get to write some very cool dialogue and fight scenes.
But please don't ask about the title.
Well, I am probably halfway done. I have 56,000 words and the longest thing I've ever written was Black & Gold. The first draft of that was 84,000, the current draft sits at 102,000. So yeah, I better be halfway done with this one.
It's an interesting feeling. On one hand, I'm absolutely ecstatic because I've had so much fun writing it and I've been writing it since the middle of May, so I have actually been writing it for quite a while.
To be fair, I think anything past 30 days is a long time to be writing the same thing. Thanks for that, NaNo.
So yeah, I'm really excited about it. Until I think about how much I still have left in the story. Then my metaphoric self starts hyperventilating. Because how the hell can I finish this book when I have so much going on the rest of the summer? And then oh god, what if I don't finish it before school starts again? What if what if what if?
Then the truly cruel reality hits: I am halfway done with the last book in this trilogy. I will be writing the ending I've dreamed about for two years in a matter of weeks. I will be writing the end (and yes, there are quite a few character deaths in this book, so that will be heart-wrenching) and then it will be over.
Except not really, because revision, but it will be done. There's only one first time for writing this book, for writing with sheer unadulterated joy.
All that being said, the writing itself doesn't seem terrible. This time last year, when I was writing Throne & Fire, I knew it was mostly bad and it was going to require a lot of work. I knew I was going to be adding a ton of scenes.
This go round, I have the opposite problem. I think I might be cutting some stuff. I will still need to add certain things in. These will be the subtle character things that carry throughout the book and are a pain the frickin ass so I ignore them during the first draft. Why? Snotty writer answer: Because you have to get the bones of the plot down first and then you can deal with the more nuanced character moments.
Real answer: Because sometimes that shit just isn't fun.
Then of course there's the challenge I've never faced before, which is not pulling a Shakespeare. Characters are going to die and most of them are going to die at the end, simply because of the structure of the story. I have to figure out how to make the important deaths memorable and meaningful. I have to figure out exactly how many bodies I can throw on the pyre before I cross over into Hamlet/King Lear/Romeo and Juliet territory.
Oh, and I have to figure out what the actual, words-on-the-very-last-page should be.
But hey, I get to write some scenes where my characters have come to the end of their character arcs, which means they have evolved and changed and questioned themselves and now they get to be badass. Without giving too much away, I also get to write some very cool dialogue and fight scenes.
But please don't ask about the title.
Tuesday, June 14, 2016
It Isn't Easy
Writing isn't easy.
Which, I'm sure, is not a shocking statement to anyone reading this. You have all sat at a computer at some point in your life, forcing words out of your poor fingers like you're trying to remove a dozen splinters. If you've spent a significant portion of time around me, you've heard me bitch about how writing is hard.
The strange thing is that some of you (or maybe none of you and just people who don't read this) have scoffed at my choice of major because 'English is easy' and then you turn right around and give me horrified looks when I tell you I have to write an 8 page paper and read an entire Shakespeare play. Seriously, the cognitive dissonance between "Oh, people write for fun so it must be easy" and "Oh my God you have to write 5,000 words that's awful and I am going to pick a career where I never have to do that" is astonishing to me.
I think I should acknowledge that there are two different kinds of writing implied in the above exchange. One is writing essays or reports for a purpose with a deadline. No one likes doing that. Well, I did really enjoy my final essay for Shakespeare. I wrote about the power of gender, masculine vs. feminine in Macbeth and it was a lot of fun. But usually, no, I don't particularly enjoy writing about theme and character development in old-ass shit no one except English majors read. I still enjoy it way more than doing math or chemistry-kudos to all you people who do any of those things.
The other kind of writing is the "fun" kind. I say "fun" because it's a choice and yes, sometimes it is fun. A lot of fun. That's the time when people are right to think it's just fun.
The big secret that no one tells you, even when you're an aspiring or beginning writer, is that the "fun" part of writing is only like 10% of the time. 13% if you're very lucky. The rest is just work. And if you aren't a writer and you doubt that for one second, imagine writing 2,000 words in one sitting. Imagine writing 7,000 words in a single day. Imagine writing 50,000 words in 30 days. Could you do it?
Not to be an ass, but the answer for the majority of you is no. Do I write 2,000 in one sitting every day? Of course not. Some days I only write 500 words and every single one is a struggle. Those are the days that aren't easy. Yes, it's a choice to keep writing and no, I'm not complaining. I love writing and I love stories. But I want it to be clear that even though I have been doing this for over half my life now, it is not easy for me. I've had a lot of practice and I am stubborn and persistent, so I don't give up. But it isn't always easy.
The most glamorous part of writing is the finished product. The story I give you to read, all nice and revised, or the nice new book you buy at Barnes & Noble or off Amazon. And unlike most other things, I can't take a picture that will show you exactly how hard it can be.
So I guess you'll just have to take my word for it.
Which, I'm sure, is not a shocking statement to anyone reading this. You have all sat at a computer at some point in your life, forcing words out of your poor fingers like you're trying to remove a dozen splinters. If you've spent a significant portion of time around me, you've heard me bitch about how writing is hard.
The strange thing is that some of you (or maybe none of you and just people who don't read this) have scoffed at my choice of major because 'English is easy' and then you turn right around and give me horrified looks when I tell you I have to write an 8 page paper and read an entire Shakespeare play. Seriously, the cognitive dissonance between "Oh, people write for fun so it must be easy" and "Oh my God you have to write 5,000 words that's awful and I am going to pick a career where I never have to do that" is astonishing to me.
I think I should acknowledge that there are two different kinds of writing implied in the above exchange. One is writing essays or reports for a purpose with a deadline. No one likes doing that. Well, I did really enjoy my final essay for Shakespeare. I wrote about the power of gender, masculine vs. feminine in Macbeth and it was a lot of fun. But usually, no, I don't particularly enjoy writing about theme and character development in old-ass shit no one except English majors read. I still enjoy it way more than doing math or chemistry-kudos to all you people who do any of those things.
The other kind of writing is the "fun" kind. I say "fun" because it's a choice and yes, sometimes it is fun. A lot of fun. That's the time when people are right to think it's just fun.
The big secret that no one tells you, even when you're an aspiring or beginning writer, is that the "fun" part of writing is only like 10% of the time. 13% if you're very lucky. The rest is just work. And if you aren't a writer and you doubt that for one second, imagine writing 2,000 words in one sitting. Imagine writing 7,000 words in a single day. Imagine writing 50,000 words in 30 days. Could you do it?
Not to be an ass, but the answer for the majority of you is no. Do I write 2,000 in one sitting every day? Of course not. Some days I only write 500 words and every single one is a struggle. Those are the days that aren't easy. Yes, it's a choice to keep writing and no, I'm not complaining. I love writing and I love stories. But I want it to be clear that even though I have been doing this for over half my life now, it is not easy for me. I've had a lot of practice and I am stubborn and persistent, so I don't give up. But it isn't always easy.
The most glamorous part of writing is the finished product. The story I give you to read, all nice and revised, or the nice new book you buy at Barnes & Noble or off Amazon. And unlike most other things, I can't take a picture that will show you exactly how hard it can be.
So I guess you'll just have to take my word for it.
Thursday, June 9, 2016
Rambles/Attempts at Humor
Well hello there. It's been a hot minute since I blogged so I thought I'd give you some highlights.
1. Finished junior year of college.
2. Moved home.
3. Decided I needed to take the LSAT in September instead of this past Monday and my stress levels decreased enormously.
4. My computer keyboard broke. You read that right: B-R-O-K-E. As in, I had to send it in to get repaired.
5. I switched to writing on my old laptop (which, by the way, is only five years old at this point) and holy mother of dragons do I appreciate my shiny new laptop because that old one was SLOW and LOUD and would not play Netflix.
6. Currently working for my dad and, finally, the most important and fun thing,
7. I am writing the third book!!!!!
(I frown on the use of exclamation points unless in dialogue but I am very excited, so bite me. (Not really, please don't bite me.))
I have roughly 26,000 words (62 pages with the font and spacing I use). If you're wondering, the first draft of Black & Gold came in at 84,000 and the first draft of Throne & Fire came in at I think 58,000. So, it's going very well.
*insert Cheshire cat grin here* *insert excited dog dancing here* *I should learn how to do GIFs.* *or is that just a Tumblr thing*
Anyway, that's where my life stands this fine Thursdays night. Tomorrow is Friday, I wrote an amazing scene tonight, I am getting paid tomorrow, I got to have wine with a friend, and did I mention that I wrote an amazing scene tonight?
Just you wait.
1. Finished junior year of college.
2. Moved home.
3. Decided I needed to take the LSAT in September instead of this past Monday and my stress levels decreased enormously.
4. My computer keyboard broke. You read that right: B-R-O-K-E. As in, I had to send it in to get repaired.
5. I switched to writing on my old laptop (which, by the way, is only five years old at this point) and holy mother of dragons do I appreciate my shiny new laptop because that old one was SLOW and LOUD and would not play Netflix.
6. Currently working for my dad and, finally, the most important and fun thing,
7. I am writing the third book!!!!!
(I frown on the use of exclamation points unless in dialogue but I am very excited, so bite me. (Not really, please don't bite me.))
I have roughly 26,000 words (62 pages with the font and spacing I use). If you're wondering, the first draft of Black & Gold came in at 84,000 and the first draft of Throne & Fire came in at I think 58,000. So, it's going very well.
*insert Cheshire cat grin here* *insert excited dog dancing here* *I should learn how to do GIFs.* *or is that just a Tumblr thing*
Anyway, that's where my life stands this fine Thursdays night. Tomorrow is Friday, I wrote an amazing scene tonight, I am getting paid tomorrow, I got to have wine with a friend, and did I mention that I wrote an amazing scene tonight?
Just you wait.
Monday, May 16, 2016
Motivation Monday
Being a writer can be a strange thing, for many good reasons. But I think the strangest thing for me is how strong it has made me. Not physically strong but mentally and emotionally strong.
If you read that and weren't surprised, then you should probably stop reading now, because I'm going to explain how counter intuitive that idea can be.
Writing when you start is this incredibly joyful, freeing experience. I remember writing when I was ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, even fourteen. I wrote anything I wanted and I was absolutely fearless. Now, granted, there's probably a total of one paragraph from all those years worth reading. But I didn't know it was bad and because I didn't know, I kept going. I wrote what made me happy. What else would I write? No one else was going to read my story about giant eagles who could carry people on their backs. (Not going to tell you how old I was when I came up with that one.)
But then I got older. Other people read my writing, my poems and a short story. Some of them gave me glowing reviews. Some said it was good but it wasn't as good as this other person's so they were going to get the big award.
Big deal, right?
In and of itself, no. But when I was about thirteen, one person in particular tried to make me believe my writing was worthless. That I was never going to be a writer. I used boring words and didn't know how to use adjectives. That I, as a writer and a person, was boring.
This person was my friend but after this, they weren't. Did it stop me from writing? (That is a rhetorical question, because obviously not.) All it did was make me want to be better, to prove to this person who thought I could never be as good as they were, or good enough for anyone to want to read my stories, that they were wrong.
I want to be clear. I did not keep writing solely to prove this person wrong. I write because I love it and I always have and I know I always will. But my love for writing and my willingness to make it better are two different beasts.
My love for writing gives me a sense of peace and happiness. I think we can all agree how important that is in life with stress oozing out of every possible avenue. My dedication to make it better, that is work. It is physically painful at times and other times my mind tells me to give up, because I will never get it right. But I don't, because my heart loves it and my heart is ten thousand suns' stronger than my mind.
Then there is the strength it takes to love something on the days when I can't get it right, when the words just won't come or come out wrong. It's a lot like the strength it takes to believe in yourself, or love yourself, because it isn't always easy. In fact, the times when it is easy are so few and far between they may as well be stars that happen to be in neighboring galaxies.
People will always tell you that you'll fail, that you aren't good enough. Let that fuel your fire but don't let that be your fire. Your fire is made of your heart, your mind, your soul, your drive, and you. Everything else is just tinder.
If you read that and weren't surprised, then you should probably stop reading now, because I'm going to explain how counter intuitive that idea can be.
Writing when you start is this incredibly joyful, freeing experience. I remember writing when I was ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, even fourteen. I wrote anything I wanted and I was absolutely fearless. Now, granted, there's probably a total of one paragraph from all those years worth reading. But I didn't know it was bad and because I didn't know, I kept going. I wrote what made me happy. What else would I write? No one else was going to read my story about giant eagles who could carry people on their backs. (Not going to tell you how old I was when I came up with that one.)
But then I got older. Other people read my writing, my poems and a short story. Some of them gave me glowing reviews. Some said it was good but it wasn't as good as this other person's so they were going to get the big award.
Big deal, right?
In and of itself, no. But when I was about thirteen, one person in particular tried to make me believe my writing was worthless. That I was never going to be a writer. I used boring words and didn't know how to use adjectives. That I, as a writer and a person, was boring.
This person was my friend but after this, they weren't. Did it stop me from writing? (That is a rhetorical question, because obviously not.) All it did was make me want to be better, to prove to this person who thought I could never be as good as they were, or good enough for anyone to want to read my stories, that they were wrong.
I want to be clear. I did not keep writing solely to prove this person wrong. I write because I love it and I always have and I know I always will. But my love for writing and my willingness to make it better are two different beasts.
My love for writing gives me a sense of peace and happiness. I think we can all agree how important that is in life with stress oozing out of every possible avenue. My dedication to make it better, that is work. It is physically painful at times and other times my mind tells me to give up, because I will never get it right. But I don't, because my heart loves it and my heart is ten thousand suns' stronger than my mind.
Then there is the strength it takes to love something on the days when I can't get it right, when the words just won't come or come out wrong. It's a lot like the strength it takes to believe in yourself, or love yourself, because it isn't always easy. In fact, the times when it is easy are so few and far between they may as well be stars that happen to be in neighboring galaxies.
People will always tell you that you'll fail, that you aren't good enough. Let that fuel your fire but don't let that be your fire. Your fire is made of your heart, your mind, your soul, your drive, and you. Everything else is just tinder.
Monday, May 9, 2016
Jump
The purpose of college, in part at least, seems to be to beat the desire to read or write from fun out of us. It saps all our mental energy and suddenly we discover how much energy it takes to read or write.
I'm as much a victim for reading but not for writing. Let's say this: I have acquired and immunity to it. I write during the semester regardless of what my classes try to do about it. Not because I am blessed with special powers but because I never stopped writing. I think once college consumed us, lots of people stopped writing for fun because it was suddenly so much work. Whatever skill you had, suddenly your internal editor got turned on and that snooty McFarland-esque voice made you feel terrible for even attempting to write something.
Your internal editor is a mean-spirited bitch. Don't listen to her/him.
No, it's not easy. If you sit down to write with the intention of ignoring, you won't be able to do it right away. Every sentence will be excruciating. Every sentence will make you question why you're even bothering to waste the ink.
Keep going. The mean-spirited bitch wants you to give up. So keep going.
You don't have to write something beautiful. You don't have to write something tragic. You don't have to write something worth sharing. You don't even have to finish it. You just have to start.
You have to climb to the top of that cliff, which can be a feat in and of itself, because that cliff is made of all your self-doubt, your intimate knowledge of how much your writing sucks, and of your fear. So climb it. When you get to the top, you'll still be afraid.
Just jump. Trust that the water will be there. Trust that you are brave enough to do it. Trust that your writing, good, bad or ugly, is still worth writing.
Saturday, May 7, 2016
What I'd Say
I've been sending out copies of my book in PDF form. In the email, I ask the recipient not to share the book with anyone. If someone they know wants to read it, I need to send it to them directly. Basically, don't share my book without my permission because it's unpublished and I need to keep track of it.
But really, I want to put the 'inside the jacket' blurb in that email. Only I don't know how to write it. I don't even know where to start.
So instead, let me say this:
This is a story about a world that doesn't exist. It's a world with magic and mages and dragons and princes and knights and gods and goddesses. It's a world with poverty and politics and ruthless ambition and selfless acts of kindness. It's a world seen through the eyes of two girls. One, an orphan who risks her life to save the lives of people in her city and then pays the ultimate price. The other is a noble girl who lost her fiance and wants nothing more than to sit in her tower by the sea to read all the books ever written.
Maybe you don't like the thought of another orphan story. Elian Wilding may be an orphan but this is not the story of an orphan. It's the story of a young woman who finds her humanity slipping away, replaced by dragon scales that cover her skin. It's the story of how she learns to live with only one functioning arm and of how she learns to trust someone for the first time since her mother died.
Maybe you don't want to read another story about a girl who starts falling in love with the prince. That's fine. This prince falls in love with this noble girl because she's intelligent and stubborn and confident enough to speak her mind, regardless of the consequences. Elana Montaire is no simpering belle but a girl who learns that the world is not as simple and idealist as she believes. She discovers that first love may not be the end of all life's possibilities and that she might want to do more than lock herself away.
I can't promise you won't be frustrated with them. I can't promise you won't want to scream because they're making mistakes. I can't promise you won't be angry. I can't promise you won't cry. I can't promise what this story will mean to you.
I can't promise you much of anything. The only way you'll know the truth is if you read it.
But really, I want to put the 'inside the jacket' blurb in that email. Only I don't know how to write it. I don't even know where to start.
So instead, let me say this:
This is a story about a world that doesn't exist. It's a world with magic and mages and dragons and princes and knights and gods and goddesses. It's a world with poverty and politics and ruthless ambition and selfless acts of kindness. It's a world seen through the eyes of two girls. One, an orphan who risks her life to save the lives of people in her city and then pays the ultimate price. The other is a noble girl who lost her fiance and wants nothing more than to sit in her tower by the sea to read all the books ever written.
Maybe you don't like the thought of another orphan story. Elian Wilding may be an orphan but this is not the story of an orphan. It's the story of a young woman who finds her humanity slipping away, replaced by dragon scales that cover her skin. It's the story of how she learns to live with only one functioning arm and of how she learns to trust someone for the first time since her mother died.
Maybe you don't want to read another story about a girl who starts falling in love with the prince. That's fine. This prince falls in love with this noble girl because she's intelligent and stubborn and confident enough to speak her mind, regardless of the consequences. Elana Montaire is no simpering belle but a girl who learns that the world is not as simple and idealist as she believes. She discovers that first love may not be the end of all life's possibilities and that she might want to do more than lock herself away.
I can't promise you won't be frustrated with them. I can't promise you won't want to scream because they're making mistakes. I can't promise you won't be angry. I can't promise you won't cry. I can't promise what this story will mean to you.
I can't promise you much of anything. The only way you'll know the truth is if you read it.
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