Motivation Monday

Being a writer can be a strange thing, for many good reasons. But I think the strangest thing for me is how strong it has made me. Not physically strong but mentally and emotionally strong. 

If you read that and weren't surprised, then you should probably stop reading now, because I'm going to explain how counter intuitive that idea can be.

Writing when you start is this incredibly joyful, freeing experience. I remember writing when I was ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, even fourteen. I wrote anything I wanted and I was absolutely fearless. Now, granted, there's probably a total of one paragraph from all those years worth reading. But I didn't know it was bad and because I didn't know, I kept going. I wrote what made me happy. What else would I write? No one else was going to read my story about giant eagles who could carry people on their backs. (Not going to tell you how old I was when I came up with that one.)

But then I got older. Other people read my writing, my poems and a short story. Some of them gave me glowing reviews. Some said it was good but it wasn't as good as this other person's so they were going to get the big award. 

Big deal, right?

In and of itself, no. But when I was about thirteen, one person in particular tried to make me believe my writing was worthless. That I was never going to be a writer. I used boring words and didn't know how to use adjectives. That I, as a writer and a person, was boring.

This person was my friend but after this, they weren't. Did it stop me from writing? (That is a rhetorical question, because obviously not.) All it did was make me want to be better, to prove to this person who thought I could never be as good as they were, or good enough for anyone to want to read my stories, that they were wrong. 

I want to be clear. I did not keep writing solely to prove this person wrong. I write because I love it and I always have and I know I always will. But my love for writing and my willingness to make it better are two different beasts. 

My love for writing gives me a sense of peace and happiness. I think we can all agree how important that is in life with stress oozing out of every possible avenue. My dedication to make it better, that is work. It is physically painful at times and other times my mind tells me to give up, because I will never get it right. But I don't, because my heart loves it and my heart is ten thousand suns' stronger than my mind.

Then there is the strength it takes to love something on the days when I can't get it right, when the words just won't come or come out wrong. It's a lot like the strength it takes to believe in yourself, or love yourself, because it isn't always easy. In fact, the times when it is easy are so few and far between they may as well be stars that happen to be in neighboring galaxies. 

People will always tell you that you'll fail, that you aren't good enough. Let that fuel your fire but don't let that be your fire. Your fire is made of your heart, your mind, your soul, your drive, and you. Everything else is just tinder.