Sometimes I Suck

Just so you all know, sometimes I suck as a writer.

I don't sit for hours working on my book or my story or whatever. Some days I make it through one sentence and then get on the Internet to look at Pinterest. 

Some days I make it through less than a sentence and get distracted by my cat or food or something shiny.

Some days the farthest I get is opening the Word document.

Other days, I don't even get that far.

In summary, sometimes, I suck at being a writer.

I don't like it. I grumble and whine and spend the whole time thinking I can't wait to be done because then I can go do the things I really want to do. 

When I have free time, I don't always want to write and then I feel guilty about it but I still don't do it because for whatever reason, on that day, writing just isn't fun.

This has been a whole week of me sucking at writing. Specifically, me sucking at revising. I am just so tired of going through this damn book. I'm smack dab in the middle of the stupid thing, which isn't helping, because I happen to like how the middle works, and I don't want to change it.

But I also just really don't want to write. 

I want to go for long runs and watch TV and read an absurd number of blogs on running and working out. I want to read a book for fun (I can't, but that's because of school) and I want to do yoga and go to bed early because being a senior is fucking exhausting.

I. Do. Not. Want. To. Write.

I still do it, because I am not going to squander my last year of undergrad and relative freedom not at least trying, but I don't want to do it. It's boring. It isn't fun. 

My point, aside from venting my frustration, is that it's okay not to want to do something that you love. It's also okay to actually not do it for a little while. Seriously. Give yourself permission to not do something if that's what you want. The world will not implode. You might want to do it again in a few days, a few weeks, even a month. Or you might not want to do it ever again. That is okay.

So today, I am studying for my first midterm. I'm going to my last-ever homecoming football game. I am going to watch the new episode of This is Us. I am going to cuddle my cat. And I am not going to write and everything will be okay.